Part 3!

Last night of the vacay-ay. (Did I just turn a happy word into a crotch joke?) Will be sad to say goodbye to the cousins and this ocean view (and all the room service pancakes), but I've got a toddler who's dying to get back to "baby's house" and I won't mind cuddling up under my covers tomorrow night either.  I never sleep quite right away from home...


And onward! This is fun for me, hope I'm not boring your pants off...


Do you have any plans for working outside the home someday? If so, what would you like to do?

I do want to work outside the home eventually. Probably when the kid/kids are in their early elementary years. Though if something super ideal came up before that and the hours were minimal and doable, I'd consider it for sure. I'm definitely a part time kind of lady, as I always want plenty of time for things around the house (I hate the feeling of no food in the cupboards or a million nights of takeout in a row or just disarray in general), personal downtime (oh, does this mama needs her downtime), and plenty of hours to just hang at home with the kids and cc.

Of course what it'll be is the question! Eeeeeep. As I mentioned, I'm definitely considering doing the Masters thing (so school would be my outside thing for a few years) and working in probably some kind of school or private practice setting. I have a romantic vision of a cozy office in an old New England house... wearing funky outfits and meeting with clients. But I do worry a job like that might be too emotionally taxing (I'm a hothouse flower!) and might not give me the social outlet I really need. If I'mma be outside the house, I want to have a group of friends to share breadsticks with at Olive Garden, not just be in a room by myself. I think?

However, I always try and remind myself that the happiest I ever was in a work setting was my copy editor job. But I guess I'm just not sure how much of that was the actual work I was doing (though I did like it) because really, I just adored the people and setting. And so is the real lesson find a place where the people are awesome and what you do won't matter much? And if that's the case, how do you find those people again? Focus on the same industry and the same kind of people will be there?

You can see I get obsessive. But yes! I wanna make some moneys and have a life outside of my kiddos once they're older and I'm not wiping their bums all day.

On a regular day at home with H, what do you wear? I live in yoga pants and crewneck longsleeve Ts, so I'm just curious if other moms actually put on jeans or something more "dressed up" everyday?

I'm always wondering about this, too! I think the answer is, I wear a few outfits throughout the day. If I have nice yoga pants that actually fit and are clean, I'll put those on and keep them on. But usually, I wear a weird outfit for a few hours in the morning (super old sweatpants from my BU days, a longsleeve tee and a hoodie with probably also a cardigan on top, wool socks and slippers) and then I usually put on my "going somewhere" outfit (this will be jeans and cute sneaks, a tank and cardigan type combo) and maybe even put on a little mascara if I'm feelin' sex-ay. cc never sees me during this part of the day, but I swear I look okay for at least two hours a day! Then we come home and I get comfy again in a weird outfit and...that's usually it for the day.

I think I need to accrue more items that are both attractive and really comfortable, so I can just wear the same thing all day. It's sad that I consider jeans really dressed, right?

I know you are meatless these days, I was wondering if you could share any good vegitarian dinner recipes. I'm always looking for ways to cut back on meat in our house.

I just cheated a million times on this trip, so I feel guilty saying I'm meatless, however -- I never cook meat at home, so I can answer your question honestly!

My favorite things to cook these days are whole wheat pasta with vegetables as the main oomph (we're addicted to this Jamie Oliver recipe), portabello burgers (on a really good toasted roll, with melted swiss cheese, and sauteed spinach/red peppers on top), quinoa blueberry pancakes (recipe here), quesadillas with a black bean/pinto bean/cheese combo served with avocado, and going to Trader Joe's for Indian food packs that I serve with brown rice and yogurt. Oh! I also like making polenta (with some goat cheese melted in) and putting sauteed mushrooms on top, served with a side of sauteed kale. It's usually pretty simple, but tasty (I hope!)

Also, after reading the above comments (and because I love the name Harper June), I am curious, if you were to have more kids, what would their names be? Or what other names "strike your fancy" these days?!

Thank you for the name compliment! We kind of tortured ourselves back and forth and it's a relief we like what we finally chose. I have to admit I don't have many ideas right now, but I've always loved the name Iris for a girl and Ezra for a boy. (Don't think cc would agree tho - heh.) I also hope to use March as a middle name -- it's my mom's maiden name and I think it would be cool to have two month middle names for my kids!

What happened to your family this past year that you mention so much about in your blog?

I wrote a guest post 8 months ago that gives the low down. You can find it here. I still like to keep this blog mostly free of the details, but it's not this huge big secret in our lives. And since that was last summer, cc is all done with treatment and doing well; we hope to cruise through the next year or two and then relax some.

What type of job did you have before having Harper? What type of job did your hubby moved to Connecticut for?

I had a lot of different jobs. In order: Special Education assistant (doing Applied Behavioral Analysis), marketing/permissions/sales coordinator at Beacon Press (a publishing company in Boston), Intern/writer at a yoga magazine in LA, Intern at McSweeney's/Believer magazine in SF, Account Manager at a big advertising agency, a sales assistant at method products, and finally a copy editor at Ubisoft (a video game company). Sadly, I feel like I missed something hmm... Oh! In there somewhere (post publishing job, pre California move) I decided I wanted to try and be a professional actress again and did a play and started to think about moving to New York and then, well, I decided no.

I have a hard time making up my mind, obviously. But I was lucky to get to work at interesting and creative places, even if I was probably a pain in the ass.

cc is a strategy dude/idea guy. He runs the online/digital business for a hotel company called Starwood. Thanks for the discount on our pretty Florida room, jobby job!

Part 2!

Vacation continues! Having fun in the sun (and wind) with the fam damly. Lots of sand in places I'd rather it not be. But here's some more typing from me and my hands:

What do you love most about your husband? Is that the same thing that attracted you to him in the first place? 

I love a lotta things, but... I think what stands out for me is how thoughtful he is. Which sounds like a complete platitude, so let me elaborate. When someone is important to cc, he really works to take care of them and make them feel special. If someone tells him they're visiting a city he knows well, he'll stop whatever he's doing and write a long email with a million suggestions of restaurants and shops to check out. "What was that Ethiopian place that's supposed to be awesome?" he'll ask me as I chew my hair or remain otherwise useless and ask him to please wrap it up, yo. Then he'll furiously type away. I just don't put as much time into those things.
Or he always brings something when we're invited to a house -- ice cream or flowers or something, while I'm "It's cool -- they know we appreciate the invite." Ha. And when it comes to gifts for me or Harps he's the best. Will remember something I said a long a%s time ago or something I offhand mentioned would be good for HJ and it'll show up on a holiday or just because. In general, the dude's always thinking and trying and it wins big points with me. He also says I love you a million times everyday and I love that.

What attracted me to him in the first place was, well...he looked like a movie star? Hmm. I also remember liking that he was in business school and clearly ambitious/interested in being a provider type, but was an unapologetic Democrat. Ha! It was such a nice combo to 22-year-old me, like hey -- I'm a pulled together man, but I also believe in welfare and am pro-choice. And did I mention the handsome thing?

 I want to know if there is anything you intentionally do to allow "you" time amidst all of the parenting you do. Balance is a tough thing and you seem to have it down and I wonder if that is just a natural ability or if you are mindful in particular ways that make this balance happen? 

I don't know if I have it down, but thank you! Somedays I feel pretty balanced -- like I've done the good mom and good wife thing, but also feel happy and centered -- and those are definitely good days. It's something I work at, but at this point it's also semi-natural -- and by that I mean, I figured out a long time ago (high school?) what I need to stay centered and I'm good at finding time for those things. Or else I get really anxious and down.

Often that's only a few minutes here and there, but I have a sort of list in my head and if I can check some of them off everyday, I feel like me and not like I'm living for other people. These include reading, watching cozy mystery shows, meditation, hot baths, talking on the phone to my mom, and quality time with cc (which often is sitting on the couch together, watching the same show and making fun of things). I start to feel myself get depressed if I don't do enough of these throughout the week (like, if I choose to take a nap during her nap and don't choose alone time or if I spend too much time reading dumb blogs and not reading/catching up with family) and I have to take a very determined pause and choose new choices to get back on track.

Will HJ become a big sister anytime soon? 

We definitely want her to have a sibling (or if you're cc, three siblings) and we're aiming for a roughly 3 year age difference. I can't say I'm looking forward to pregnancy and I really, really enjoy having one right now. However, I totally think siblings are a gift and would love to mug on a new biscuit.

What do you wash your hair with?

My little bro just bought me my favorite old shampoo that the Body Shop re-issued. Banana! It's insanely delicious. And I've been known to love love love LUSH's Big shampoo (which is a weird salt concoction that somehow lathers up) as well as hippie shampoo bars that make me smell like a college dorm. I went through a short phase of that no shampoo thing (rinsing with baking soda and vinegar) but then I was all, Why am I doing this?! It worked okay, but I love a good lather after a long day and life is too short for my hair to smell creepy.

 Cake or pie? 

I think pie! This took a really long time to decide. I get to add whipped cream though, right? Because there are few things I'd rather eat more than cold pumpkin pie with copious amounts of whipped cream.

If you had to have three more kids, would they be three boys, or three more girls? 

Oooo...Three more girls, I think. Just because I think it would be nutty and I love having a girl and I'd create our own ballet troupe. Also the prospect of three boys sounds like something I wouldn't be the best at handling. (I'm bad at cleaning bathrooms.) (But I love boys and hope I get to have one!)  

What is your dream car?

Have you ever seen Reality Bites? I love the BMW Winona Ryder drives. It's old and boxy. Yum. I also really love Land Cruisers. But only the old ones, really.

Do you have any projects planned for the future when Harper goes to school and you have more free time? 

Three things I'd really like to get done in the next 5 years: Write a book I'm proud of. Learn to play the guitar so I can do Raffi/Beatles singalongs with the kids. Get certified to teach yoga, specifically to children.

Those are the ones I think about a lot (well, not the guitar really, but the other two) though I get a little manic with to-dos. The other big one that I go back and forth with is getting my masters in a therapeutic field like Occupational Therapy or Social Work. But just can't seem to decide whether that's for me or the more hodgepodge creative lifestyle is. Choices! They overwhelm me!

What song(s) do you listen to to lift your mood? 
 
Oh, how I wish I could answer this with something cool/hip/esoteric. However, the truth is I either head for 60's pop ("Since You Been Gone" -- Aretha or "I Saw Her Again" -- Mamas and Papas or anything Beatles) or musicals ("Run, Freedom, Run!" from Urinetown or "Right Track" from Pippin) OR anything from Kelly Clarkson's Breakaway album, Christina's Stripped album, or Britney's Blackout album. I feel naked now.

Answers part uno!

Oh, ya'll. Getting here yesterday was INSANE. Really. And I've taken a lot of trips, a lot of solo baby things, a lot of whatever. And this one was high on the list of nuttiness... even though Harper was on her best behavior and I actually cried at least twice with how sweet and excited she was. But! We are here and it's gorgeous and all is (almost, sort of, maybe never but oh well) forgotten.

Gonna start pounding these out while she's reading books in her hotel cribby, getting ready to drift off into napland.

1. What is the hardest part of parenting for you?

I think...the knowledge that I'm IT. I'm the mom lady. If I decide to let her eat nothing but jelly beans and pickles for a week, no one's going to stop me. If I slack on teeth brushing for a couple days, the police won't know. It's overwhelming to realize all the decisions (and then enforcing of them) I have to make every second/minute/month. It's easy to let a few too-much-TV days pass, before realizing no, this isn't really how I want the days to go. And pull it back.

In my middle school gym, there was a sign that said "Character is doing the right thing when no one's watching." Never did anyone make fun of that more than me, but obviously it made an impression because I'm talking about it 20 years later. But, yes, that exactly.

Clay gives me the lead in the parenting department and while of course he'd stop me if I turned into some loon handing Harper marshmallows for all meals and a rifle in her bed, he trusts me and she trusts me and the weight of that can feel enormous.

2. The most annoying?

SLEEP. Or lack thereof. You will never, ever get enough of it. Ever. It can feel borderline claustrophobic, like you just can't get out from under the fatigue. It's still so strange to me that I get up at 5:00 everyday and somehow function. I am a complete night owl and my body is just not okay with Harper's arrangement of our mornings.

And -- oof I find really annoying all the little, tiny details that have to get done. This is not my strength in life. Like: Washing the sippy cup and its gross, smelly straw parts before bed, getting her diapers and wipes stocked and in the right places (it drives cc crazy that I'm always functioning with approximately 5 diapers on hand), all the many many clothing changes and washings -- wrestling into slippers when we're home, another pair of shoes when we're out, packing the right combo of snacks and distractions for where we're headed. And in general, I'm the only one who can pull it all off. I know where everything is, exactly what she likes, and how to do it fastest. If I dropped dead tonight/tomorrow (you know, from another ice pick headache), I'm quite confident cc and other family members would pull it together. But in the day-to-day, I'm-still-alive scenario, it's me handling the near constant micro managing of a toddler's life. Whew.

3. The most rewarding?

This one is tough! Of course the smooches and hand holding. And watching all the learning and jumps in cognitive stuff and how we can talk over our day now during bath. But I'm going to go specific instead of general. I love the moments where we're like two real people, not in the grind of everyday stuff, having a good time.

It's so incredibly fun to see how all the work/time/energy we've put into her pays off in getting to have an awesome time together. In Denver, when she was probably 18 months or so, we had this afternoon of stopping by a bakery and sharing a cupcake and a grape soda, each in our own white plastic seat. She was so happy and giggling and we were taking turns sipping out of the same straw and the sun was shining on our hands and it was pure fun. That was the first time I really remember that feeling of "She's not a baby, we can DO stuff!" It was a total parenting epiphany and something lifted off my shoulders that day.

And this is weird probably, but I love shopping as a family. We love going to IKEA or grocery shopping or whatever with her because she is so psyched to be treated like a big kid. She walks all around, we get her a chocolate milk, we chat. Or the other night, she couldn't fall asleep and so as a (totally not normal treat because I'm kind of a hard ass at nighttime) we let her come downstairs, make popcorn with us, and watch Modern Family. She was so so so happy. I cried. Ha! So yeah -- the whole getting through the really hard baby months (and months) where they are so yummy, but also just kind of a semi-blob ... and seeing how it culminates into the creation of a hip little sidekick is great.

Answers atcha soon.

I'm loving reading your questions, guys! Thank you! Keep 'em coming through tomorrow if you've got any more.

I'mma start answering them in a post tomorrow night -- my first of 6 nights locked in a Florida (woot!) hotel room with a sleeping Doctor Harper (as she calls herself sometimes) starting at, oh, 7:30. Lots of time for typing when you're sitting quietly in the dark, holding in your pee!

Off to pack.

Preguntas?

A couple of my must-read blahgs (here and here) have done this recently and I'm nothing if not a copycat. Wait, that's not really true. I'm nothing if not... lazy? Yes, that fits better.

Oh. What's "this"? As my dear old friend Michaela once said, "I love it when people ask me questions about me." (This was after we asked if she got nervous at interviews and she said duh, no.) So -- ask me some questions! Like, pretty much anything. Just not geography OR geometry related. And if it's really scary or disturbing I probably will ignore you and then phone the police, but might as well ask?

 Examples: Do I like Murder She Wrote or Matlock more? (Don't make me choose between my children.) Or: What did I major in or why are my feet so small or why do I mainly call my child Jones?

Post 'em in the comments section (anonymously is fine) or shoot me an email: amykcowan@gmail.com.

Don't be shy! I'm not.

Donutty

FB and Twitters friends saw this pic today, but I have to post it because then I'll be able to find it one day and be happy.

It was kind of a weird day because she woke up happy, but then turned unhappy, then she started a hacking cough, but then we played outside for an hour and she felt happier but still lots of coughing and then rinse repeat, back and forth, up and down, Jekyll and Hyde.

But post-outside-time and pre-nap, I let her sit without any pants on and eat straight out of a box of Stew's donuts. She couldn't believe her good fortune and kept smiling back at me. Probably to make sure I didn't change my mind. It was awesome.

Almost as awesome as tonight, when we were having a pre-bedtime tea party and she said, after downing a big sip, "I love tea!" Before running away to get another cup for me to fill. Which is just so rad to me because she's never said she loves anything! (Like, yes. Love, no.) And it was so genuine and earnest. I love tea, too, Harper bug! But I love you a lots more.

Some Monday morning things

1.) Last night, while shampooing Harps' mullet, I got something called an icepick headache. Basically, for 2ish seconds, I got this incredibly painful jolt of pain above my left eye. Incredibly. Even though it was suddenly there and then suddenly gone, I was 100% I was 5 minutes from death (no, really) and knew I had to get her out of the bath and safe in her bedroom before I croaked. cc's out of town, so me dropping dead while she's in a bath = very not ideal.

What was formerly a leisurely splash time, became a frantic race to get her rinsed and dry and pajama'd and behind her bedroom gate. I got it all done in record time (all the while, holding my phone near for a quick 9-1-1 call) and raced downstairs to Dr. Google. And then, yeah, I realized I'd probably make it till morning.

But seriously! These things are insane. Mmm, icepick through my skull. Yum! Reading forums of people who get them is hilarious because they all went through something similar the first time they got one. (Can this please be my only and not just my first? ...)

2.) I'm making some frands! Got hooked up with a newcomers' playgroup (through an awesome mom who found me forlornly playing trains at the library one afternoon) and am having playdates with some of those ladies, in addition to moms from H's future nursery school (where we do a 1 hour class together on Wednesdays.) Just a few weeks ago, I was wondering how I'd ever get into that nice groove where you can have a cup of tea with someone else while your toddlers maul each other and huzzah! It's happening. Relief!

3.) I bought HJ a yellow bikini for our Florida trip this week (more on that later). Is that inappropriate? A 2-year-old in a bikini? I really don't know, but I could not stop my fingers pressing the purchase button.

4.) I'm still upset by the back of a book of hers that says "Some things are happy, some things are sad, but everything's FUN!" Many things about that sentence are wrong.

5.) My new favorite thing Harper says: In the morning (5:00) while she's standing at her gate waiting for me to get her and she sees me. "Oh! There you are! Good morning." I need a recording of how she says "morning"... it's so flirty? And a little...smug, like she knows it's not really morning when it's pitch black outside.

Off to start another week, with my very tiny boss.

Hot wheeelz

After she begged and pleaded, I bought Harper this hot pink convertible (knock-off brand) Hot Wheels a couple months ago at Goodwill. It semi sucks.

The thing gets stuck on any and everything and she just can't get a good run out of it. And she's tried. But then, after a joint branch clean-up session around the yard (give a toddler "work" and they will go nuts) I decided to move the car to a new locale. And wee! Hilarity ensues.