Friday, September 22, 2006

Chips and a Cocaine With That?




Have you heard of this?

I was watching some primetime show or other a couple nights ago, when the news began its promos to lure me in. Their big tag for the night was "Would you drink Cocaine?" Um - wha? As previously blogged, I have this huge fear of all things sniffed up my nose/cocaine-related, so I was immediately suspect of this "legal alternative" to the stuff.

I tracked down their website and seriously - what a hilarious/disturbing concept. It's an energy drink with something like 3 or 4 times the amount of caffeine found in a cup of coffee, holds a warning for pregnant chicks, and features a numbing (?!) substance that coats the back of your throat to simulate the drug's effects. Okay - really? True, I was fascinated by those Cool Caplets that Tylenol sold (sells?) that created an "instant cooling sensation" down my throat. But - it wasn't trying to simulate the effects of an illegal substance and it wasn't trying to numb me for God's sake.

I also love how there's a link on the website to "Charities", listing AA etc. as if this product is really helping the cause. Get out of rehab and pick up a Cocaine; maybe rehabs will even distribute them upon discharge! Why not? The sad imitation probably won't leave you wanting the real stuff or anything.

Oh, and that letter newly posted on the site by the founder is something to behold. I realize that I, too, added to the "overloading of the server", but isn't there something ridiculous about posting a letter to clamoring fans of an energy drink? All that being said, will someone please try this and let me know how it goes? I don't do the whole numbing thing, but it sounds like lots of other people will...? Thanks.

3 comments:

  1. Trevor7:17 PM

    It's like chasing an espresso with throat spray, not that impressed. It's like melting sugar in a spoon and calling it smack.

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  2. Anonymous7:26 PM

    There's a level of irony that I haven't been able to rap my mind around yet. Coca-Cola was originally a soda that contained cocaine but now just retains the cola flavor with caffeine substitute. Cocaine is from the start a soda that is attempting to create a verisimiltude of the drug. This could only progress to presumably patrons adding the real drug to the drink creating some sort of reverse nexus. Perplexing.

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