Wednesday, May 14, 2008


because i've spent substantial amounts of personal time with both of these groups, i know that people who Want To Be Serious Actors and people who Want To Be Important Screenwriters would find certain, specific gigs to be unacceptable, gag toast, just-below-prostitution.

for the Serious Actors contingent, this would be Acting In A Soap Opera. the horror! dude, i'd pay someone (no more than minimum wage) to star on one of these shows. i'd get to hang with the ridiculous matriarchs of daytime television (susan lucci what up!), live surrounded by free foods, get my hair professionally blown out, and enjoy an e-list level of fame that wouldn't really interrupt my regularly scheduled life, just enhance it subtly. you're thinking way too hard if you think any of this is bad.

for the Important Screenwriters camp, this would be Writing For Shows Like Murder She Wrote. never-you-mind that it went off the air in '96, i'm just talking about that general genre. i also might be watching it right now. but again - what a gig! i'd spend my days dreaming up ridiculous plots involving scorned secretaries and eye patches and a million different ways to say "something isn't right here!" and if i happened to write an actually-worthwhile scene or slip in a good joke here and there, it'd be a bonus, not a pressure-filled requirement. it would be like living inside of a mystery science theater 3000 episode!

don't front; you'd like it too.


  1. Ryan G9:52 AM

    That went off the air in '96? Damn it was around a lot longer than I thought. I saw her find a guy stuck to a barn wall with a pitchfork once... I would def write that, and anyone who says it's not hardcore is crazy. (Also, yes, I still read your blog).

  2. Saying that you "might be watching Murder She wrote" at night is like saying that the "sun might be coming up" in the morning.

    I wonder if Angela Lansbury has seen a spike in residuals since you got hooked...


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