I want to set up some kind of challenge

For Clay and me. To accrue as little and spend as little on baby stuff as possible.

Because have you ever seen a baby? They are small. Very small.

They need things - a place to sleep, a place to be changed, a place to hang - but they don't need 12 roomfuls of it.

Because have you ever seen babies in other countries? They be rolling simple, man.

As I've mentioned, my cousin and aunt are in town (yay!), and we've been working on a list of the must-haves for baby's first months. Christie had her third baby last year and is keeping it even more simple than with the first two - using a sling to carry the little lady around, cloth diapers, hasn't even taken the swing out of the box. I love talking with my peeps - they think like I do.

And because so many of those must-haves can be bought secondhand (strollers, clothes, etc) it just isn't my priority to buy spanking new things. Even if they're really purty.

(For those wrinkling their noses right now, let's keep in mind my Mom used to pack my lunches with juice held in old pickle jars. I'm pretty comfy with pre-used items, mmkah?)

So. For the mamas or papas or nannies or any babies that can type (Lucy, I'm looking at you), what were/are your must-haves? If you're preggo, what do you plan on getting? If you're reading this on your Blackberry, sipping a martini and just starting a long night out, well, you probably want to sock me in the eye. Lo siento!

The Yankees are coming the yankees are coming!

In the spirit of their arrival, and perhaps cruelly ignoring last week's nasty news, I'm posting this video because:

1) I can't tell you the number of times I played it on our record player during Massachusetts winters - age 8, 9, 10, 11...infinity.
2) LOOK AT THAT HAT.
3) This arrangement is cooler than the studio version.
4) I live here now and it still kind of thrills me.
5) THE HAT.

This is a picture

To show you what I look like with clothes *over* the belly.

1) Isn't the bump so strange and high?

2) Holy shit, I have a BOOTY.

3) I finally bought cute pants that don't fall off!

4) Look! I folded laundry!

Mover and shaker

The past few days, our little lady is kick kick punch kick punch elbow flip! What before was the occasional and thrilling poke, is now a constant do-see-do, a little dancing sidekick while I grocery shop, watch Netflix, eat trailmix, cook chicken, eat trailmix.

Every time she starts up, I make Clay run over and put his hand on my belly. But dude, she can seriously tell she's being watched (felt?) and clams right up. Kind of like her mama.

She relaxed a little tonight, though, and let her dada feel a couple small pokes after he rushed over at my yell. It's lovely to finally share her with Clay; I've felt a little bit shellfish lately, feeling all the crazies she does, all by my lonesome.

In other news, I'm back obsessed with my slow cooker, a wedding prez from Clay's mom. (Thanks, Cindy!) Once fall arrived, I started thinking about it all the time (admit I'm the most interesting person you know) and even bought a new book o' recipes for it.

Tonight, I whipped up some yummy chicken, later in the week I've got pork chops and sweet potatoes planned. But I'm really excited (again, my coolness is otherworldly) to make Indian Pudding, a New England favorite. Wanna come over and eat some wif me? Just as long as you do the dishes.

Bumpdate: 20 weeks 2 days

Work bathroom! Huge belly! All very sexy!


-- Posted from my iPhone

Sure, I'm a nut

But I've also got a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles thermos.


So life ain't all bad.

A little long, a lot personal

I was just lying in bed, beating myself up for having a super irrational preggo moment, unable to fall asleep. I realized I was writing out my feelings inside my head, as a way to explain them to...myself I guess. So why not just type it out here and hopefully konk out after?

Lots of people make jokes about being "OCD" when they like a clean car or have to be on time somewhere. But actual obsessive compulsive behaviors... suck. (I was going to write "are no laughing matter" but, um, that's creepy.)

When I was little, I used to get obsessed with these thoughts or ideas that wouldn't leave my mind no matter how hard I tried. They were stuck there and I would fixate on them, no matter how insane, until I thought I couldn't stand it anymore. Eventually they'd disappear, but not before stealing hours of sleep and happy thoughts.

The first one I can remember, I was about five. This thought just...came to me that sitting in my attic, just waiting for someone to open the door, was this sinister Sumo wrestler guy. What?! I know. That's it. He just sat there. But I could think of nothing else and I wanted it/him GONE.

These obsessive thoughts were soon joined by certain compulsions, things I had to do. Count to a certain number before leaving my room, brush my teeth a certain way, make a certain facial expression at a certain time. I had to do these things or...I have no idea. Because I never let there be an or.

As I got older and learned some management techniques, a lot of my obsessions and compulsions waned. I still had the desire RIGHTTHERE all the time, but I knew how to fight it and keep going.

Pregnancy has pretty much thrown all that work out the window.

My mind is now pretty much ruled by intrusive thoughts, completely involuntarily, about...22 hours a day? I'm shaving a couple hours off for when I'm really enjoying some pie or watching Columbo or cuddling my cram or peeing. You probably want me to take off some hours for sleeping, but that's when I have all my nightmares and so nope! Can't do that.

Most of my worries, not surprisingly, are about the baby, or me, or Clay, or my family. Is the baby choking on her umbilical cord right now? Will Clay get cancer in the next 3 hours? Did my mom just go on a date with a serial killer? Fun stuff like that.

But there's a slight finesse I like to give my worries. It's this idea of fixating on how everything's okay NOW, but in two or five or ten or one hundred minutes...everything will CHANGE. For the absolute WORST. I'll focus on a song on my iPod and think, "I'll so remember this tune because in a minute I'm going to be hit by a car" or look around me and think, "This building is so nice - I wonder what it'll look like when the earthquake strikes after lunch." This goes on all day.

I went through this particular obsession about 5 or 6 years ago. I think it's because that things-are-good-now-they're-not sort of came true, on two separate occasions. Two separate times I took the time to realize how good and solid and healthy things were in my family. Then two separate times, within 24 hours, they suddenly...weren't. For a good year there, I was convinced every single phone call or email would bring more bad news. Pretty relaxing.

So yeah. Which leads me to tonight. After a whole day of obsessing and fretting and wringing my hands, my whole self was just worn out. I should have just gone to bed and hidden under my pillows. But instead, I latched onto this minute little comment and just blew it up. And I just get so mad at myself when I can't contain it anymore, when it leaks out into other things and other people. Because! Because then I've created a whole new thing, a whole new incident to obsess over tomorrow.

I don't have a pretty ending for this, and bless any of you who are still reading; I just had to get it out. But I do feel a little better and a little bit sleepier. Which is progress. Night, friends.

Knit purl knit purl knit purlae ajeworiueproieueire

Yes!

NO!

Yesterday I was running a mild fever and just felt...off. I went home early from work and took it easy, taking my temperature roughly every 6 minutes and popping Tylenol on schedule. Every single person in the entire world is sick right now and I really don't want to follow suit. Whether it's a cold or the piggy flu, it's just no good getting sick while asthmatic and preggo.

I woke up this a.m. after sleeping hard and decided to stay home for the day. Once afternoon hit, my fever was gone, but I just wanted to really rest up and keep tabs on any changes. I think I'm better.

To pass the day, I picked up my knitting again. I bought some delicious yarn this weekend and decided on a simple pattern for a baby blanket for my baby girl. I wanted a project that would take a bit, but wouldn't stress me out too much. So I started! And it went so well for quite some time.

Until the dreaded dropped stitch. If you're a knitter or have attempted The Knitting, you know how horrifical these can be if caught too late. I think (?!) I can fix the situation, but it will take every ounce of my spatially-challenged gray matter to figure it out.

I pulled out half my hair and brewed a cup of tea with my ear-steam before realizing I needed to put it down, step away, and try again later.

*watches Columbo*

*eats choco-covered nuts from Billy the Doorman*

*pees 12 times*

*drinks cran-grape out of the jug*

....is it later yet?

Frasier Crane had one

And now, so do I.

Clay and I (mostly Clay) have been researching cars for the past few months, ever since we found out a new buddy was joining the family. Our current mobile is a (lovely, zippy) two-door Volkswagen GTI. Ain't gonna cut it with mama's back, yo.

So! The hunt began.

We were mostly deciding between wagons and SUVs, wagons and SUVs. We've got experience with both and like them both - it was just going to come down to comfort, style, price, etc. At times I pushed for the Subaru (a major favorite with my New England fam), but ya know - I drove A LOT of those in my time and I figured it was time for something new.

Because we were most likely trading for something a little parent-y, we wanted to have it semi-fun for Clay to drive. It's just not safe to jump from zippy car straight to minivan.

Anywho.

Clay started reading about the BMW 540i wagon and I fell in love with how it looked. Then we decided we actually preferred the older model to the newer one, which narrowed the search. Then (this is a really fun story, right?) he found a 2001 model that was all purty and affordable and so we drove (an hour zzzzz) and fell in love with the real deal. And so it was done.

We still keep wondering if we're the only people who've actually downgraded their vehicle...

(We currently have both cars, but hope to sell the VW stat. Ben? Interested?)

But I heart my "new" ride to the max.

It's roomy, safe, stylish, lightly worn-in (I say "I like old things" about 10 times a day so this is a plus in our household), comfy, and um - close your ears, Moms - fast. Not that we'll utilize this feature, of course. It's just...there.

Plus, I dunno. I've always drooled over Beemers. Maybe because my TV idol Frasier had one. Maybe because Lelaina from Reality Bites had one. Maybe just because they're bad ass.

Let the judgments commence!

My new steering wheel

Bumpdate: 19 weeks, 2 days *Now with better picture*

*Post-edit: For some reason, last week's picture looks bigger than this week's. Um wrong. I'm suddenly HUGE now, much more than last week so...blame me and my awful iphone skillz. Back me up here, Clay? On second thought - please don't.*

Writing this in a cab so I'm using the "1974" setting on my camera app to lighten up the shadows.

Overslept like woah, but zzz I needed it.

Almost exactly halfway to b-day/d-day, people.

Woot! Or, on the other hand, AH!

A picture of a picture

From left to right: My little bro T, me, cousin Ben, cousin Christie.

Hanging on Gram's porch in Maine. (Sorry you couldn't make it, Sawyer! Another 18 years till you made the first cousin scene.)

This one hangs on my fridge and makes me happy.

Tho a little jealous of all those blondies. Baby lady has a shot, methinks...

Elmo fans, shield your eyes

So our buddy Casey threw his boyfriend (and also our buddy) Steve a surprise birthday party this weekend. At a rollerskating rink on a Saturday morning. Needless to say, it was awesome.

The only bummer? Preggos aren't really supposed to rollerskate. But I cheated a little and took a few laps around the rink before everyone's disapproving glares and Clay's nervous hand gestures made me sit down and sip some Sprite. I felt like Sarah Jessica Parker in Footloose, waiting on Willard. (I tried so hard to find a clip. Boo.) (Also, RIP Chris Penn. You were my first I-want-to-eat-that-boy crush. Whew.)

We somehow didn't get any pictures of me either wearing the big, bad, brown skates or actually skating, but I'm hoping someone else did. I'll keep you posted.

After skating, we moved the party outside, so as to not scare the children beginning to stream in. Then Steve killed Elmo.

It was a beautiful morning.

Bumpdate: 18 weeks, 2 days

Here they be! (In all their terrible-qualitied splendor.) The first one is a tasteful view of what others see as they pass me by and I struggle to stay awake longer than 3 minutes. The second one is, well, a lot of belly.

Off to work!

The baby lady waves hello

Before we get to the feature film, thaaaaank you thank you for all your happy, happy comments! It was so fun to post the reveal and read everyone's reactions. HOW DO YOU NON-FINDER-OUTERS WAIT?!??!

Next order of business: A few comments on these 4D video things. First, I always thought they were a little creepy. Second, I thought something wacky had to be done to get that picture. Third, I thought you had to request that something-wacky.

But there we were yesterday, checking the profile and making the measurements ("we" weren't doing that part, exactly), when the technician suddenly just switched a button on her little machine and with the same wand in the same place, a 4D video of the little lady started dancing around. Nuts! And adorable!

She's really snuggled close to my placenta (terrible word, I apologize), so it was difficult at first to see all her little parts. This one is my favorite, because she's actually waving! Look at that arm go up and down and her han'y open and close! (Apparently, according to the technician, a great sign. Of catching a softball in the Olympics? Clay hopes.)

But the wave and the little legs and her little face all snuggled up and cozy. It's love!

So as I said, the baby looks really great. Heart is "beautiful", she's measuring right where she should at 8 ounces, moving a lot, spine fully closed - all the good stuff. It's just incredible to see how developed she is up there and all the little stuff she does all day - and that she's a she!

Mama's doing pretty good, too. My cervix is measuring great (they're keeping a close eye on it throughout the pregnancy) and the only teeny worrisome thing right now = my placenta is lying a little too close/low to my cervix. The only bum deal with this is, if it stays low until late third trimester, I'll need a c-section and possibly bed rest toward the end.

Since I'm only at 18 weeks, there's a very good chance the placenta will move away from the naughty place as I grow more - so the doctor told me not to sweat it too much. He even made a bet that this particular situation won't bring on a c-section.

But still, he told me to take it easy this next month until I see them again. No running (oh, DAMN) and nothing too strenuous or high-impact.

"Just be...normal," he said.

Clay tried his best not to laugh out loud.

The big reveal...

I'll keep this post short, friends, and follow up with more cuteness later (including a baby VIDEO) because I know you're all dying to hear the news...

So here we go.

It's...

a....

!!GIRL!!

I'm TOTALLY shocked. And honestly...totally psyched. Yahoo!!!

More on the appointment to come soon (baby looks great and healthy and lovely), but wanted to get this up here stat.

My little lady and I are gonna go eat some tacos and watch the tube! Check ya lates!

A word about tomorrow; but first, a picture

This is me. Raising my fist in celebration after Clay agreed to eat at a Sizzler with me.

We were about to head home, after a lovely sunsetty, exploratory drive through a South Bay town, and a quick stop at Target, but then I batted my blue eyes under the moonlight and vamoosh! Soon we were eating steaks and baked potatoes and infinite salad bars at 9 pm with about 100 other people. (Is THIS where everyone disappears to on Sunday nights?) Clay almost cried through the whole thing, but I was in fatty coma heaven. As was Robaby.

Speaking of which! Tomorrow, which will probably be today as you're reading this, we find out boy or girl lalala! The appointment's at 4:00 our time, so heads up - I won't be posting the big news till East Coast nighttime.

Now, let's all collectively cross our fingers and wish/hope/pray that the little jam cakes cooperates and shows us his/her stuff so we can start PLANNING. Numz!

Bumpdate: 17 weeks, 2 days

Be careful!

MY BELLY WILL HYPNOTIZE YOU.

It's the Monk in me that insists on keeping these at __ week, 2 days. I can't stop! Plus, it's sort of a little Friday treat, no? My bigger-and-bigger bumpalump says to you, "Yes! You really DO have room for that extra Pumpkin Spice latte."

To do it, to do it, to do it

My buddy Jordan reminded me of this song today on Twitter. God bless her heart, because it makes me dance in my chair like a loon. Think this came out when I was about five, and it makes me feel just that way.

I lurve you, George.

I heart baby appointments

I love them! I do. I take this two block stroll down the hill, hop on the elevator, pee in a cup, and then chill in the waiting room for a little while. And I really mean little while. This practice is magical and only once in the three years that I've gone there have I waited longer than 15 minutes to see the doctor.

Then I toddle into the room and they congratulate me for gaining weight (!) and I show my tummy and we listen to the heartbeat and I just swoon. It makes me so crazy happy and teary and giggly.

She pointed a few inches below my belly button (which is rapidly disappearing, by the way) and said, "That's where your baby likes to hang out."

Hang out! Just kickin back, sippin a cold one, enjoying the Rice Krispies treats I gobble.

The heartbeat is perfect, apparently, and in the 150's. I don't think I'll ever get over the craziness of putting this little wand on my belly and hearing THAT. Right there, super close all the time, shaking a leg. Man.

Of course, I made the doctor take a guess on the gender.

"You know, I'm pretty good at guessing. I usually get a really strong feeling from the mom, one way or the other. And with you...you could be having either!"

Thanks, lady.

"But, if I HAD to guess...I'd guess boy."

Which is where I'm still landing these days, too. (Sorry, MIL...)

But of course I don't have a clue. And won't until TUESDAY. Tuesday! So close, yet so far away.

SO. Spill, people. Whaddaya think I'm cookin'?

I'm waiting on a cheeseburger

Brought via spouse via scooter. To distract myself from the drooling while I wait, I thought I'd give a quick update.

I get a lot of questions about my tummy. Not the baby part, but the ouchy part. Am I feeling better? Can I eat without crying yet? I'm loathe to talk about it, because I'm always wrong, but I think...maybe...shhhh...maybe...I'm actually better. BUT DON'T TELL ROBABY.

I won't write my Ode to Health for a few more days, just to be sure, but yep, I am feeling human again.

Which means I'm actually able to do things like clean the apartment even after a day on the job. This would have been impossible but two weeks ago, you see. So I put on some Godspell and ran around cleaning and singing and dancing. Which felt a little different as a pregnant lady? My 'Turn Back, O Man' number didn't feel quite so sexy with a bump...But more importantly - Robaby really loves gospel musicals. You're welcome, Clay.

The hand puffies have gotten better, although they're still not back to normal. I think it's probably just the way they're going to be for awhile. I've got my monthly appointment tomorrow (heartbeat! yes!) so I'll ask my paranoid questions then. Note to self: Make note to self to remember what the hell to ask because it's impossible to remember on the table.

What else, what else...

The buddy was really active today! I credit Arizona Green Tea. After a few sips, he/she/ro was really shaking a leg. I lurve it.

I think I hear a key jangle...

Must assume position.