Monday, May 24, 2010

Mommy dating

So I have a buddy guy husband and I have a biscuit love baby, but I seriously need some good mom friends. And to get them, I need to date them. In the words of my friend Jeanne, "It's like J-high again, but this time you have an infant on your person instead of 10 binders."

I had my second round of playgroup today. And it was...fine. Nothing crazy or out-of-the-ordinary or even blog-worthy happened. I hung with a couple moms and their babies and then Harper fell asleep and we drove home and I stopped at a Starbucks (drive-thru! such a novelty to a city girl) and...cried. I'm not even really sure why, but I did. Not a sobfest, just one of those pathetic, silent, Indian-picking-up-trash-by-the-road [[post-edit because my husband thinks that sounds crazy/racist: I'm referencing the commercial from the 70's! he put it in the comments!]] cries.

Don't get me wrong -- I'm really fine. It just feels lonely to be new. To be "on" all the time and worried that whatever little comment I make will forever brand me the overprotective mom (I use a video monitor) or the not-protective-enough mom (took me till today to find a new pediatrician) or too preppy (beemer wagon!) or too crunchy (cloth diapers!) or whatever.

Also? I'm irreverent and nerdy and non-religious and non-boozing and judgey. So finding a lurve match can be tough. But I'm sure everyone feels that way, right? That they're fancy and unique and unicorn-y and complex to mesh with.

So I guess it's simple, really. I just miss old friends who know me and know Clay and put up with our quirks and sauciness and love us anyway.

*eats my feelings*


  1. Being a sahm really can be a lonely path. I've even connected with one friend that I really enjoy and it can "still" be lonely. Hope you meet that one friend that you can really connect with soon, I'm sure you will! Just one will probably make a huge difference. Have had these same struggles since quitting my job last year to watch my boys, so totally know where you are at! It gets easier with time. Hope this helps. You could possibly even start your own book club. . .Just a thought. Off to play playdo with Tristan now.

  2. Ams! I only wish we lived closer so us and our babies could buddy up!

    But obvs, you'll be great and have great buds in no time!!!!!!!

  3. I hate that feeling. It's probably why I've stayed in SF so long. Hope you find your CO partner in crime soon! We all think you rock so everyone in Denver should too.

  4. You've hit motherhood right on the head. We have zero family around us. I have only one really close mommy friend in my area (and we just met this year), but there are days when I am still lonely...and sometimes I'm just lonely for myself.

    I hope you find a super cool mommy buddy soon! Anyone would be lucky to have a friend like you -- it's pretty clear your far-away friends feel that way, so it will be no time before those Amy-compatible Colorado mamas think so too.

    And who could resist that sweet little gal, Harper!


    Wow - first time ever.

  6. *pet pet*

    I think mommy play groups would probably make me want to die, but I'm going to try a few anyway. What about searching for people in your area off message boards like or even or something like that? That way you could kind of "scout" mamas before you met them, and see if some of your beliefs & such match up.

    And to be honest - no matter what you say/do, you're going to be labeled some type of mama. It's just gonna happen. It's just what people who are bored do... and it's really weird as hell to be honest. Sometimes I read some of these women's post on message boards ripping someone's face off because they use the Cry It Out method, or on the other side - rip their face off because they never let their baby down and always wear/hold them... and I'm just like, "Dude. Calm down and go outside for a little while." Well... that's what I *want* to say... :)

    People are dumb. You need mommy friends AND non-mommy friends, and it will happen. You've been there like 12 seconds... you're crazy likable and as long as you keep putting yourself "out there" (even to Target/Starbucks) you'll eventually find your little soulmates there.

    Be patient little buddy. You're going to find your place & your buddies. <3 <3 <3

    PS) Is there something non-mommyish you can attend once per week? Like a knitting/crafty thing... or some other type of meet-up? Might help too if you can re-connect with your non-mommyish self from time to time, just to remind you of your great/quirky/cute little qualities you have outside of being an amazing mama to Miss Harper.

  7. Oh my. I'm fairly certain that if I moved to a new place and didn't have an office to go to where I HAD to see other people, I would probably just stay in my house and grow cobwebs.
    See? You're not covered in cobwebs, so you're doing great! It will all work out before you know it.

  8. oh, people of the internets, i love you! thanks for making my mama heart feel better.

    i do know things will look up and thank you much for all your suggestions. it's definitely a numbers game -- trying a bunch of different things and seeing what pans out. non-mommy stuff is essential, too, tho much tougher to swing!

    keep ya'll posted obvs! <3

  9. being new in a new city is hard, but hang in there! i've found that if you meet one awesome person then you get to be friends with all of her friends by proxy. (and hopefully all of her friends are awesome too.)

    sometimes it seems easy to meet ppl, but hard to meet good friends. (and this is especially true for me because i'm sort of bitchy and i dislike most ppl before i like them.) just keep at it! in the meantime, i am happy to come for a visit...can we go to Chipotle AND Sonic? :)


  10. Moving to a new city would be lonely enough but trying to balance Harper's needs with yours makes it even tougher. I'm sorry, dove. It's one of those time passing things were you have to deal with a little loneliness now and then a few months down the road, you'll be all settled in and comfy with friends.

    But if you need me to move there and be your live in Baby Nanny slash Friend, I can. ;)

  11. @mic: come come! chipotle AND sonic AND this local fast food chain called good times that sells frozen custard frappe things and homemade fries. kthxbai

    @emmysuh you're hired!!

  12. As you cruise through life, always remember the old New England saying:
    What people think of me is none of my business.

    Just be true to yourself and you'll make the right friends.

  13. I hear ya' about the dating-feel. Totes. I'm kind of in the same place. A good way to meet other moms is to take some kind of lesson with your baby (like swimming or painting). And you know what? Just be yourself. Try not to think about what other people think of you. I feel the same way all the time... I feel like I am not just one kind of person, but more like a mix and match, you know?
    I am sure you will meet someone that you click with. For now, you can always count on your bloggy friends that are here to *listen*. xxxo!

  14. I'm not a SAHM, but I can identify with what you said. I've lived here for almost 5 years and still haven't really felt like I fit in here. All my bestest friends are still back in the Bay (though one is moving here this week but she is childless and single).

    Of course I'm judgey, work outside the home, don't follow organized religion and lean too far left for some people. Maybe that's why I'm "single" in the mom-type friends department.


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