Thursday, February 24, 2011

Denver MCA: You suuuuuuuuuuck

I took Harps to an art museum today -- a contemporary art museum, excusemeverymuch (er, I actually wanted a modern museum, but lost my brain for a minute) -- because, well, there's just so many times you can walk up and down the sidewalk or play with the spices or scribble the letter H in blue crayon on computer paper. Right?

It started out fine. I found a cheap parking space, bought my ticket, wheeled H into the first room and...was immediately accosted by a nervous/psycho museum employee dude.

"PLEASE DON'T ROLL OVER THE ART ON THE FLOOR. THERE IS ART...ON THE FLOOR."

"Okay. I won't."

"IT'S JUST THAT LOTS OF PEOPLE STEP BACKWARD ONTO THE ART. AND IT'S ON THE FLOOR. AND YOU HAVE...A STROLLER."

"Got it. No stepping on the art."

And he finally goes away and I look at pieces of pottery made from human bones. Ahem.

There was literally one small room of art on the first floor, so I headed on up to the second. As the elevator door opened, the same psycho came sprinting up the stairs to meet me. He had chased me. Sweating sweating sweating.

"I...I...I FORGOT TO TELL YOU. THEY ARE RECORDING MUSIC!!!!! PLEASE DON'T GO IN THERE."

????????????????????

I hear some music behind a closed door at the end of the hall and slightly around the corner. I look at him.

"Behind that door?"

"YES."

????????????????????????

I. I have no words.

Apparently, having a (quiet, surprisingly) baby in a small umbrella stroller while walking peacefully through an EMPTY AND TERRIBLE museum raises great alarm and sweat and stalking.

So I halfheartedly walked through the two other remaining rooms (giving that little door great personal space), felt like a total weirdo for even being there, got in my Subie and headed on back. The spices felt lonely.

9 comments:

  1. Mebbe he's performance art? Was he wearing a sticker that said "Crazy Gallery Guy No.2"?

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  2. LOLOLOLOL. This story is great. I bet Harpsychord was like "DUDE CALM DOWN."

    And lol @ the comment of him being performance art. Love it.

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  3. what a freak!!

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  4. Ooh..I have an art museum/baby fiasco story too. Our mom's group was approved to do a calendar shoot with our kids at the Des Moines Art Museum. And I loved that place. We took Aiden plenty of times and it was free. Loved it.

    But this time they were doing some tour at the same time we were meeting everybody so I guess they were trying to impress these people. We were in the main hall and seriously, they knew how old our kids were. My kid lets out on little yelp and an employee hustles ass to ask me to keep my son quiet. I just say yeah yeah. Then a couple minutes later he gives another little yelp and she hurries back to us and says if we can't keep our kids quiet that we'll have to leave.
    Seriously, Lady? Seriously? Then we were totally stalked by museum helpers the entire session to make sure nothing happened to their art. I'm not sure why they approved our shoot if the mere presence of these kids sent them into paranoid fits. And I think I missed the sign about not talking above a whisper. pff

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  5. hahaah. i hope that guy's frantic warnings were recorded on the music behind the door.

    and also i think one of the cutest things ever is that harps plays with the spices! mini barefoot contessa!

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  6. Anonymous10:56 AM

    That sucks. I've actually had great experiences with my racous
    toddler at the MCA (he even broke something off a piece of art once! they just glued it back). They do have other people that work there who are nice to kids, and a great kids space on the 4th floor - I swear. I am so sorry you had that experience. Arg.
    If you are looking for another denver art museum, the DAM is super kid-friendly- my son actually threw up on their couch there once and they didn't even flinch! they have these dam playdate things on wednesdays which harps may be a little young for, but she may enjoy all the same.
    Don't give up!

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  7. I am so sorry you had a bad experience at MCA Denver. We clearly failed and I truly apologize.

    You couldn't have known, but it was a perfect storm for your bad experience. Just yesterday a piece of art (the one someone warned you not to run your stroller over) was damaged by a visitor. Our volunteers have been terrified that it would happen again. What we didn't realize was how rude it would seem to someone who didn't know the back story.

    Add to this that artist Hermann Nitsch was in town and was recording a live radio interview in the gallery (which we did a lousy job of telling you about) and your visit just went from bad to worse.

    Please come back to the museum, as my guest, and let me take you and your toddler on a tour. I have a toddler too, and I know what it is like to feel unwelcome somewhere. I am truly embarrassed that it was in my museum.

    Yours truly,
    Sarah Baie
    Director of Programming

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  8. I got booted from the National Gallery because my son (then 18 months) was "disturbing" all the old folks. I don't get it. Since when are museums like the library, for Pete's sake?

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  9. @sarah: Thank you for explaining why I had such a disconcerting visit! I understand things happen -- but would definitely explain to my volunteers how awkward it feels to be chased :)

    @everyone else: Let's start a support group!

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