Thursday, November 17, 2011

Calm hands

Guys, it felt so good to type out those words last night. I'm never sure ahead of time if I should press publish after putting my weirds out there, but whew. Glad I braved it. Completely cathartic, right before sleeps, right before I drifted into closed eyes closing out a long day.

Thank you for your thoughtful and kind comments and for being so nice to me. It's such a boost to read uplifting words as they ping into my inbox -- especially when it's raining and we're cooped up and I haven't talked to another adult in many many hours. So thank you.

Oh and so crackers and cheesiness out of the way, let me tell you about tonight:

When I put Harper down in her little white bed and cc popped in a video game and I said "I desperately need a peppermint hot cocoa, goodbye!" So I put on my green rainboots and my slouchy cap and went out into the dark city. Where scary people abound? (But 'twas only 7:30, so felt safe-ish...) And I first stopped at McDonald's because I guess they have a gross peppermint concoction for the holidays, but the line was so long and I felt way too close to getting a large fry. Ohhhh a large fry. It's been so so so long.

But since I'd walked that far, I was thisclose to the 'bux where I could get a soy version. Which is better for my face, I s'pose. So I ordered and it was ohsotasty; I started the walk back, jolly and with a minty mouth. Three quarters of the way home, though, on a particularly dark and empty stretch, a car pulled up next to me and two guys jumped out. And I was pretty sure I was dead dead dead with a mouthful of soy, dead. And I was so angry at myself for orphaning my baby, all for some sugar! She'd grow up motherless because I like overpriced hot beverages! I couldn't shop for a prom dress or teach her how to drive stick shift or watch Footloose while she did Algebra homework. Because of cocoa.

But then! They looked at me, shrugged, and...ran across the street to Macy's. And I wasn't dead. I was alive! and my drink was still warm. And I finished it quickly. Tasty, but not quite so much as before.


  1. Aha! I am glad you're alive.

    I have been drinking quite a few McDonald's p hot c's these days (see what I did there?) and they're not so bad. But yes, soy Starbucks version = better. Have you had the soy white hot chocolate from Starbucks? Also yes. Get it with a shot of raspberry... well if you like raspberry.

    I love this hands picture. *kisses frames*

    I also loved your last post and I was glad you posted it. That's all I can say about that.

  2. I hope my little guy wants to watch footlose while doing algebra homework. I didn't even know that that was something to aspire to, but when I read it - I paused for a moment and had a little daydream.

  3. go back to Wednesday's true! My thoughts are to remember how much you like knitting and then you can enjoy the feeling of completing something, because we humans like to complete things, and childcare has such a rotational's good in so many ways, but not so much for the feeling of completing things..and then, I hope those guys really were just going to Macy's because you're scaring your mother!

  4. i think that's my favorite picture of harper ever. <3 well, probably not, but you know. glad you are okay.

  5. You should carry what I gave you in college - would scare the hell out of me.

  6. Love the photo! My heart was seriously pounding faster as I read your post!

  7. oh and original Footloose, right, the one with the skinny ties???

  8. holymoly! that's scary! next time take a whistle, or some mace, or your bottle of Frenchy's mustard (because I imagine that mustard in the eyes is a killer).

    don't you just adore baby hands? little dimples for knuckles, padded and sweaty palms, tiny little nails...ah, heaven.

  9. It's like stupid acting teachers said in voice and speech type ways... Be in the moment. And it's always the last thing I want to hear... But it's always so true.

  10. One of my favorite pictures, too. Something you see everyday but sometimes don't even notice. I agree with your mom...finding something that you can see to the end is rewarding in a life that has so many open-ended phases. Plus, give yourself credit for weahering some of the top stress-causing events in life...most especially three moves in one year (or is it 4?). Not to even mention having a toddler and facing other surprises.
    Have a wonderful Thanksgiving, and give little Harper an extra kiss for me.

  11. Great photo Amy, I love the moments you observe, describe and photograph.

  12. @kalen: oh, its time will come. i'll probably try one on my long drive home tomorrow...

    @gigi: right? it'll happen for us. ;)

    @dad: this is true. i'll work on finding it...

    @LVD: there is ONLY the original! skinny ties and red cowboy boots!

    @mandy: mustard! this is a wonderful and cheap idea. :)

    @matt: i won't tell paula you mentioned her, but you're right! i think about acting stuff a lot and tho i think we were too young to get it then, it does right true often..

    @cindy: we have been thru a lot and sometimes i need reminding! will kiss harps for you and should plan a trip out here for you soon.

    @aj: thanks, sista!

  13. Am!! Do you remember my mugging senior year - omg - this post just gave me a heart attack for you...and that was allston! Be careful now that you are back on this coast:) and i second the paula quote. sometimes, when I'm feeling like that I remember Bill Young talking about taking a shower and how you have to be so present even in those moments of everyday life. BC the minute something could happen to take that away, it's all a wash anyways - who did what/when/where is not important. ya know? xoxoxoxo em


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