Monday, December 05, 2011


Today, I took Harps to our first storytime at our new town's library. It was kind of...intense? Mind you, I just came from a teeny session in Maine where there were four other toddlers in attendance, an insanely sweet librarian in bulky winter boots who called H "Hahpah" and a cool grandpa wearing a jogging suit. This was not that. This was a tired-but-manic singing lady wearing a mic up on a stage. This was probably 100 people screaming at the top of their lungs. This was almost all nannies. But you know what? This was a happy Harper. She hauled a%s out of the little one last week and was riveted today. Sometimes I wonder how she is she after spending all her time with me.

Then we went upstairs for a little puzzle time, a little book time. Except, duh, it was swamped with other peeps who just left the show. (I'm calling it a show now, that's what it was.) But she found a little corner and started her pile of books, declining rather emphatically my offer to read them aloud. So I chilled on the couch and judged other parents. You know.

This one lady next to me -- "Nana" -- pulled her 3ish year old granddaughter up on the couch with her and started offering her a variety of treats.

"Now. None of these because there are no treats in the library." Hands her a chocolate covered rice cake.
"And no drinks, you might spill!" Slips her a sippy cup with juice.
"If you want to eat we have to do it downstairs!" A cracker.

To say the least, I was confused.

Then there were a bunch of nannies conducting phone calls and texting. Nothing out of the ordinary.

Then! Up showed a man with his 2ish year old son. They sat on the rug to assemble a puzzle or two. While they fiddled, a cute cutie (9 months maybe?) came crawling over and started gumming some of the pieces. Dad's face = complete horror. He turns to me "Do you know her?" Do I know her? That phrasing is totally off in referencing a baby, dude. I shake my head, delighted to see where this is headed.

She keeps chewing a lighthouse or a frog or something, all cheeks and big eyes and dimples. He frantically hands her pieces from another puzzle and then lightly pushes her in that direction. "No, baby. We're playing with this puzzle. You do that puzzle." (YOU DO THAT PUZZLE?!) She comes back, he hands more pieces, over and over, rinse repeat.  He looks up again, to another mom. "Are you her mother? Whose baby is this? WHOSE BABY IS THIS?!"

No one answers. (At this point, even I'm wondering who the hell she belongs to -- some di*khead is literally pushing her around!) Which is hilarious, because he cannot believe his bad luck. Little sisters -- always in the way. Ramona!

Eventually, I grabbed Harps and scooted the heck out. We'll be spending a lot of time there (it's open 7 days a week woot and it's about to be hardcore winter ah die) and I thought it best I didn't punch a face my first day there. You know.


  1. ahahaha! these people are cray-cray. like the mom I observed in amusement/dismay last week at a pre-school play date (aka toddler interview for school entry) who was talking to her primped little tot all the way to the door in this manic, happy voice - 'now remember to say your numbers, say the alphabet'...they like their cocoa puffs for sure!

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  4. You are too funny. We all find humor in watching such interactions. And I probably have given some spectators fodder for amusement.....just hope not too much lately. Harper sounds like an independent little cupcake. Fun times for you all.

  5. OMG I have been yelling "AH!" outloud about this crazy librarian man. And now i'm cackling because I think you are is creative and would like to suggest you spend your spare time to LOOK AT ME TOO, THROMBOSED HEMORRHOID TREATMENT.

  6. Oh girl.

    Okay honestly I'm gonna be up front... it irks me when a baby comes over and starts mouthing Everly's toys :( I'm evil I know. It's not the baby or that they're taking Everly's toys though - it's the germs. And you wouldn't think I'd be that paranoid since she hasn't been sick but a couple of times, but I just... can't deal with sick Everly - it's pitiful.

    I usually bite my tongue though because I don't want to get punched in the face.

    Story time here is really crowded too. Sometimes they have to separate it into two story times. I LOLed big time that the woman was wearing a mic AHAHA. "Mic check, 1-2-3? Goodnight Moon? Mic check?" Here they also do really hardcore/fast-paced baby sign language as part of story time and just no. I bailed.

    Kushuka - I'm very interested to become your friends, and I think you & I have a *lot* in common if you know what I'm sayin'... *nudge nudge*

    I wish I could be there to judge parents with you. :(

  7. I'm laughing so hard I just snorted! Everything about this post and comment conversation is hilarious! I should be grading, but who could pull themselves away from this?

    Harps doesn't want you to read to her? I love it! Teach my children that, please. I can't even read the directions on the Preparation H box without "Zen Shorts" (I love this one, btw) being shoved in my face.


  8. I love the story about the 'WHOSE BABY IS THIS' guy! What a freak. She probably belonged to one of the nannies who was busy texting :p

    My library is teeny so we have about 15 people at storytime. But they are all obnoxious mothers who do stupid things like park their $1000 prams in front of the disabled toilet door. Thanks, ladies! And nobody sings, they all just sit there staring with my poor coworker singing at them like a dork. Weird...

    I have a friend who works in a bigger council area and she said their storytime has almost 100 people per session, and they have to do it in the town hall? That is intense!

  9. Anonymous7:33 PM

    I am literally crying because I am laughing so hard. First because of your post Amy and then because of the comments (I'm looking at you cc!)

  10. Guys. Kushuka and I went to junior high together. Leave him alone.

    And also,

    @Kalen: I really don't think germs were his issue... that would be more normal? He just really, really wanted her not-there. I feel like the few times Harps has gotten sick, it's from kids literally coughing on her not gumming things tho I'm no scientisttttt.

    @Lyndall: My pet peeve is when parents/caretakers won't sing along! Ah! Then I feel I have to make up for it by being all super singer and I look ridiculous. I will say, this crowd was very involved -- almost to the point of mania!

  11. This sounds exactly like our Nashville storytime. It's seriously an hour long on a stage, mics, puppets, songs and dancing. It's super intense, but kinda fun. And since it's downtown, its a race to get out of the parking garage before my free parking time expires.

    I feel ya on the nannies. I would try to meet new younger moms, and then BAM she's a nanny. Damn.


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