Monday, January 09, 2012

For now


Meh. Wasn't as cool as originally projected.

Oh, b. What a hellacious week's end and weekend. Harps got real time, puke pants sick, and I had all sorts of fun health things a'happening. We felt so terrible and watched so much Blue's Clues and felt terrible again. Also, I feel like I have a lot of thoughts re: Blue and Steve, but no one to talk it over with since this all happened 15 years ago?

I could not shake this dark cloud of unrest all weekend (even after cc brought me back a coffee shake from Shake Shack and french toast bagels from Stew's and spent tons of time keeping Harps out of my hair -- tho all the above certainly helped... ), mostly worried we would never return to a state of normal/happy/us-ness. Reminded me (sorry to bust you, momz) of when my mom gets strep or a nasty bug and is convinced, truly convinced, she'll never feel well again. My brother and I have to talk her out of it each time and each time I'm not sure she entirely buys it.

So that was me. Moody and grumpy and just worried. Quite sure Harper would never feel well, I'd never feel well, cc would never feel well, none of us would sleep normal again, I'd never get alone time again, she'd never want to quietly play by herself again instead of curling up on me shirtless, and on and on, you catch my drift.

(To be noted: Even in the midst of my gloom, we had a really nice visit to the beachside playground here in town. Pics above from our late afternoon jaunt where it was a ridiculously balmy 60 degrees. Global warming, you terrify me!)

How and why is it so easy to forget from all the (many other) ups and downs and ups and downs and arounds...that this too shall pass? ("Oprah said that!" someone tweeted once and then I died.) If it's super good, it'll change. Super bad, it'll change. Why can't I remember to just surf through it and trust we'll find the other side of the wave?

Today we started getting back on track... a little playgroup, a little library, some park, some milkshakes and fries in a cozy booth. We kept busy and I made sure to give her lots and lots of extra loving all along the way ... and I noticed she did the same back. I'm getting my groove back, I think, just in time for the aforementioned mom unit to drop in for a visit tomorrow. Can you say haircut/eye appointment/yoga/naps?!

To awkwardly wrap up this sort of sappy leaning post, I have to include the following song from Avenue Q, the fab-el-uss musical cc and I saw last winter. This tune acts as the finale and I got so choked up in my seat, because I needed so much to hear this message. I played it over and over and over and over in the coming months, while I made dinner and changed diapers and visited hospitals and took care of my babes. It's a good one.


  1. I will talk Steve & Blues Clues with you. Bella and I have been dabbling in that here and there.

    Glad you guys are on the other side of an ugly week. I really, really understand after some of my ugly weeks this past year. Something about pregnancy/kids really leads to the freak out that the bad will never change.

    Enjoy your mom's visit!

  2. you and i are probs the worst phone talkers ever, but maybe we should make an exception for this agenda:

    1. steve & blues clues (sam was big on the blue when were in high school, so i feel i can speak to this)

    2. puckerman.

    3. last 4 episodes of felicity. why i hate julie emrick with a passion.

  3. you got through it! you've gotten through so much in these last 6 months (or longer?) proud of you for hangin' in there. I melted at the part about you and harper hugging extra. now that's so worth it. i hope you have a happy day!

  4. Oooh bad cold (flu?) X 2, I don't blame you for feeling like it was never going to end.

    Global warming also freaks me out.

  5. Time Cures All

  6. Thanks for the song post...sums it up. From the older group: Don't think the terrible twos are terrible; they will really be enjoyable and rewarding. Give yourself, clay, and harper all credit for managing so many changes. And "for now" expect a new day every day.

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