i never feel so yankee

as i do after a trip to texas. i can't pinpoint exactly what's different except - i definitely am. i talk a little too fast, can't pronounce pecan (i say "pee-kan" instead of "pah-cahn"), and i still don't understand football. i worry for the day we've got kiddos to bring 'round, because wow those southern babies are done up so cute. i'm fairly certain ours will be clad in onesies + barefoot + koolaid mustache.

but dang those texans can cook! yams with brown sugar, sweet rolls, sweet tea, sweet potato pie (noticing a theme?), cheese grits, green bean casserole (i could eat this everyday, all day), ham, cheesy rice, turkey, gravy, buttermilk pie, red velvet cake, and oh my god ---- potato chips sprinkled with chocolate and caramel. geen-ius.

later on in the week, we ate cajun (red beans + sausage + rice + banana pudding) then bbq (beef brisket, mac and cheese, cole slaw, toast: a wedding flashback!) i hurt myself/jammed myself with all the choosings. and don't feel a bit bad about it. power yoga x 7 days = start now.

tomorrow it's back to my dry pita sandwiches and grape juice eaten quietly at a quiet desk. self-pity binge swapped out for a food binge! a low-cal option fo sho.

cc's on the road again

so i took him to the airport this morning. this was our little routine when i was unemployed: wake up early, enjoy a nice ride together, he flies off into the sunrise, i drive back to a soundtrack of npr then sleep for 3 more hours.

now that i'm working, i'm a little nervous for the crash that's going to happen around noon (or nine) today. i'm fortified with caffeine and the knowledge of a short week, but that can only take a girl so far. if i'm going to be a teacher one day, as i'm seriously considering, i'll have to get used to earlier hours eventually though, right? do you think it's possible to rewire your natural body rhythms so that waking up early is actually enjoyable for a night owl like myself?

because i can really see the benefits of it if i could make it work: up before anything is clamoring for me, traffic is none, fog's creeping in, a cup of tea and a couch. maybe a walk and some oatmeal? i would like that.

but to swing that i'd have to be asleep by 10, which doesn't quite compute with my brain. that's when dirty jobs starts! oh but wait, amy, wait. these timings are not relevant to your life anymore, silly girl. have you forgotten that you and your hubs-band have embarked on a cable-free adventure starting...as soon as they turn off our box? (we've canceled, but are milking it for all its worth.)

too much caffeine = i talk to myself.

you see, now that we've got netflix streaming into our xbox, which brings us tons of stuff with just a click (awkward phrasing i still use after doing ads for comcast, brain = poisoned.), i feel a lot less nervous than if i'd just signed up for me + aladdin on vhs. we'll have plenty to watch, just no commercials and less channel surfing through dumb things (parking wars anyone?) when i should be writing/reading/cooking/pumping iron. weeeeeeeesh us luck!

as much as i pee

my new coworkers most definitely think i'm puking up all those string cheeses. the ladies room locale is very un-feng-shui. it's right near the lobby and front desk so both guests and receptionist are privy to my frequent visits. it's also directly across from a glass-walled meeting room, always filled with senior types. and i have to walk from the way back to the way front of the office, passing every single person's desk on my journey.

and now, i go even more frequently because of my new addiction. yoga in the stall.

i get so sleepy and cramped at my desk and as much as the english breakfast tea and npr podcasts help, it's not enough. so i sneak into the handicap stall and do a bunch of poses until i hear the outside door squeak and i saunter out to wash my hands. a must after downward dog on a bathroom floor. disturbed that i'll do that but won't use a sponge? so am i.

i'm always delighted after our laundry is done

because

a) not fun!

but mostly

b) i realize oh! i kind of have clothes!

because you see, before going out to sushi with the hubs or brunch with the book club ladies i have lots of mini nervous breakdowns when i look in my closet. i can't find anything i like or anything that fits or really anything at all.

but then i throw some tide on top of things and my raincloud dries up. (or, really, just moves along to something else - like seeing all those dead pigs piled up inside that same truck in chinatown every morning. and you were jealous of my commute.)

this whole america's-po'-now-so-try-shopping-in-your-closet thing is a mind-blow. combine my recent much-needed staple acquistions from target ( i used a gift certificate + $34 of my own dollars, don't hate!) with my current stash and turns out i've got black leggings and skinny black stretchy pants and blue jeans and plain tanks and tanks with stripes and basic dresses for layering and a few colored cardigans and stretchy/soft turtlenecks and even some accessories. i won't say i'm rocking my dream wardrobe or anything, but after all is washed and folded - i'm not mad at what i got.

(except comfortable black ballet flats for everyday wear -- any recommendations!? i'll spend as little as a penny, as much as...fi'ty?)

add to this my rabid library usage and my store-brand spaghetti sauce purchasing and it looks like i'm one step away from making potholders out of old jeans. my family should be getting very excited for their upcoming christmas presents.

doesn't everyone think i need one of these?

your heart just stopped for a minute, right?

i found an online quiz that analyzes your lifestyle and matches you with your perfect breed.

apparently, a bulldog is:

"clownish"

"a couch potato"

"stubborn"

"very good with children"

"appreciates a lowkey daily outing"

and

"prefers not to exercise"

in other words, me.

will you help bat your eyelashes at cc for me? thaaanks.

bangin

if a thief hadn't thiefed us, i would take a pic of my new 'do. i'm hard at work on a pinhole camera, but until that's complete you'll have to use your imagination. i'm happy with the new look, although my stylist cut the bangs a little too long - which is better than too short of course, so i'm not crying. i can wear them down and completely straight across - my preference - but then i'm stuck blowing hair out of my eyes all day. so i'm wearing them down and straight across but also sort of pushed over a little. i think the whole thing looks especially cute when my hair is up; sort of ballet-dancer-from-1977-ish?

wow. this is boring even to me.

i might as well start typing what i ate today. (cinnamon swirl oatmeal and english breakfast tea in the morning + sweet and sour chicken with an iced tea for lunch. i'm making chicken enchiladas tonight. the end.)

in summary: i like them, cc is adjusting, i think you'll dig, and at my free bang trim in two weeks i'll get them cut shorter.

i'm sort of short on other news. except that it's 78 degrees and sunny here in san francisco and my internal thermometer is very confused. holiday starbucks cups + tank tops? body.no.compute.

i don't feel well

but i needed to tell you about my new favorite show.

if you enjoy/enjoyed mystery science theater 3000, you should watch whatever martha (on the fine living network.) martha stewart's daughter alexis and her friend jennifer sit on couches and watch old episodes of martha's show together. they make witty quips and talk over the narration and try to make the crafts along with her and make fun of the mom jeans. it's genius.

okay i'm dizzy and nauseous and stuff. carry on.

he could have just opened the door

just as i was flapping my yapper about how pretty and lovely and smart this city is, cc and i woke up to a broken-into car. sad face, upset tummy. some bad guy used a key (?!) to get into our lobby and then our garage, spotted our schmancy nikon camera strap only sort of hidden underneath a sweatshirt, and bashed in our sweet little v-dub's back window to grab it. he also found my new not-schmancy-but-still-loveable camera tucked into a side pocket. he must be a photographer.

the frustrating part (aside from the fact he got into our building uninvited and took our things) was the car = unlocked! the glass-bashing, which will run us about two-hundy to fix (thank you cc for hunting down the deal), was completely unnecessary, and made my car look all undignified and frumpy. ack.

the locks will be changed and we'll be extra-careful now about a) letting anyone non-tenant into the building and b) leaving anything in our car, but it's still creepy and unfair. ah, city living.

in happier news, i'm debuting my cooking skills tonight for non-family-members. we'll sit around our little white table by the window and enjoy the view of the bay, visible through the small space between two mansions. would you like to hear the menu?

tomato and basil (homegrown!) soup
garlic bread for dipping
green (spinach pesto i'll make in my processor) gnocchi
homemade ginger snaps (amy sedaris recipe)
pumpkin pie ice cream (cc is in charge of this one, "as long as you buy me the ingredients")

nom nom nom, says cookie monster.

looks like my uk passport will stay dusty

a) didn't the air smell better today? everything just seems a little different and i hope it doesn't stop. 1000% thrilled and happy and inspired. !gobama!

b) shame on you, conservative californians. as cc said this morning, we can only hope someone doesn't arbitrarily decide to take our marriage away.

c) i just made hot chocolate from scratch and added cayenne pepper. do this and thank me later.

d) yoga in the a.m. helps sleeping in the p.m.

e) showing around visitors (cc's dad and stepmom - hi guys!) always makes me heart this city even more. it really is one of the coolest (and prettiest and smartest) places on the map. i'm a lucky gal.

you voted, right?

i thought so.

quick question

while i'll eat a doughnut off a dirty floor, wash my hair only when i remember, and wear the same t-shirt five days in a row, i have a really weird germ-a-phobe thing with sponges. as in i really, really don't like using them.

i feel like i'm just wiping around e coli and salmonella and dead skin and egg yolks every time i swipe the counters. they stay perpetually damp and smell strange and i can’t imagine they’re actually making things less germy than they were to begin with. i have a scrubby brush thing i use for the dishes, but when it comes to counters and stovetops and every single one of my bathroom’s surfaces, i just cannot find anything acceptable.

i know (i know) it’s horrible to keep using paper towels, but sponges make my brain explode. cc tells me i just need to have separate sponges for separate purposes and squeeze them dry and air them out and all that. and i know those are all good ideas. just, ahem, maybe not the best ideas?

and so i’m here asking you, dear reader, for different suggestions: more eco friendly than paper towels, please, but thoughtfully removing any mention of sponge, spongy, spongee.

bja and her sidekick, ocd, thank you kindly.

backwards and forwards

4 more days!

(i think i need to clean our mirrors.)

1982 or 1928, part 2

i just got the most sudden/stabbing ache in my right knee. like, hold onto the side of the couch and grimace while i watch reruns stabby. i headed over to weather.com to confirm what i already knew: the next two days are going to be cloudy and rainy. why oh my must my joints predict the weather?

also: all you hydrox lovers! run, don't walk to your local grocery store aisles. the usually-discontinued cookie has been reissued for a 1908-2008, hundred year celebration. nom nom nom.

also: i borrowed all about eve from the library and have already started my under-the-quilt fest, tummy filled with taters. i even took out my teeth to get extra cozy.

i'm in the middle of an experiment, friends

it's called working + maintaining the new cleaning and cooking standards + all whilst cc is out of town and no one is here to monitor me. the first couple days...weren't so hot. i may or may not have flung clothes everywhere and left the peanut butter jar open and my makeup all over the bathroom floor. i may or may not have gone grocery shopping (20 points!) but then only unpacked the refrigerator items, leaving the rest of the bags and goodies on the floor ( 25 demerits!).

today at work (doesn't that sound funny?) i couldn't stop obsessing over the mess and the thought that my library book was overdue, the mail tossed on the floor and my countertops unsprayed. it was honestly interfering with my ability to absorb new info. which is lame but, well, i never said i was cool.

as soon as i walked in the door, i grabbed my library book and returned it before even taking off my coat. (and picked up another book and another dvd, making my current grand total 4 books and 3 dvds, i'm a library addict don't try to stop me). when i got back home again, i put away the groceries, sorted the mail, watered my herbs and collected the dirty dishes scattered throughout. then i sat on my brown couch in my blue hoodie and watched marion jones' surprisingly boring interview with oprah. zzz.

i'm going to continue my self-inflicted push by cooking a real dinner tonight, even though i'll be the only one eating it. cider chicken + mashed potatoes + cucumber salad. pretty much martha stewart around here. minus the mom khakis. (tho. could those be her secret to success? hmmm.)

today went well

rode the #45 for the first time in a long time. wore mascara and a cute cardigan. did some light training/rope learning; nothing too strenuous yet. everyone's being super nice and worried about overwhelming/inundating me with too much information to which i can only say:

"you know nothing of being overwhelmed."

i asked them like twelve different times if i really get to eat lunch during the day. they probably think i have alzheimers.

i'd be lying to your face if i said i was 100% thrilled to be back in the game (i think only a robot would), but i couldn't have landed at a better place and it feels good to work my brain in a different way, flex those number and business muscles that have been napping for a bit.

plus, i do seem to get more done when i've got more to do if that makes sense? and since i really, really want to keep moving my book along (still editing, but at a very steady pace now, and nearly finished with draft two) this is good timing for that phenomenon. i'm also signed up to volunteer once a month at a literacy program and am researching some singing/dancing opportunities, too. i think my (barely restrained) inner ham is feeling ignored.

but don't worry. i'm still reserving pah-lenty of time for j.b. fletcher, ben matlock, frasier crane and jack mccoy. i never leave my true friends behind.

veins, same sex marriage and mary poppins

i wish my phobias were obscure and unlikely to be stumbled upon, like green people or giraffes that smoke, but unfortunately they happen to be:

a. plane rides
b. needles/veins - mine, specifically
c. the phone

yesterday, i handled two of 'em within hours of each other. shockingly, dr. phil wasn't waiting for me with a medal and special certificate afterwards. confusing.

first, i had to have blood drawn for a routine check-up. gross gross gross awful gross and awful. i just switched doctors from a militant lady with a mustache to this wilson-but-nerdier guy who doesn't accept hmo's and subsequently keeps his practice really small and non-hectic. it all felt rather homey, him tapping the vein instead of a crabby lab lady, then testing my pee right there in front of me. pretty much a norman rockwell painting in motion.

i did okay, although midway through he informed me my mind was "involuntarily shutting down my veins" because i was scared and that's the body's response to danger - whether real or imagined. so the "blood wasn't flowing - just dripping." to which i interrupted with: "shut the hell up and do your job." don't get me wrong, i still really like him. just maybe not so much chatting next time.

second, i joined my friend steve at the phone banks to call strangers about voting no on proposition 8. a "yes" win would eliminate the right for same sex couples to marry. honestly, i don't give a dang what you personally feel about marriage and/or homosexuality and/or religion. (not entirely true, but for the sake of this argument let's pretend it is.)

this is about human rights - equal rights - for all americans. no matter your gender/skin color/sexual orientation, you deserve the same benefits, the same treatment, as everyone else. those rights include the legal benefits of marriage - plain and simple.

just as we say "what the f?!" when we remember women couldn't vote less than 100 years ago, i hope our friends in the future (while flying) will say the same about all this nonsense.

quick time out to enjoy video:





calling strangers in the evening over heated topics is really not my cup of tea, but this shit matters. even if most people yelled "get real!" in my ear, i helped spread the word and hope you will, too.

thank you for your votes, my people

it looks like, aside from

a) my lovely husband

and

b) anonymous

the bangs have it.

i tend to agree with mr. anonymous on the get-a-job-first thing, not so much because my visible forehead = i'm smart, but because i might feel all "not me" at interviews and that's never good. (also, haircuts are expensive, yo!)

and to avoid being one of those creeps on what not to wear who won't cut her hair because "my husband will be mad!" i'm trying to ignore cc's "no thank yous" - even though he'd be staring at my bangs the most hours - because i know he'll get into whatever i choose.

which isn't to say he won't throw a lamp at my head ala my little brother circa 1990 after my mom came home with a perm. but then he'll get into it. eventually.

so unfortunately no real-life pics to show yet, but bja most appreciates all your opinions and will continue with her up-to-the-minute hair analysis. and if you're from california, please vote no on prop 8.

subtle segue, right?

a poll about life's important questions

i've been going back and forth (and back and forth) on the bangs issue for some time now. the last time i really had them i was five years old and loved getting my whole face painted like a strawberry.

but i love the thought of an insta style and i do kind of have the forehead for it and dang - it's just hair, no? always grows back. (we hope.)

my lovely and talented friend jen (hearts!), unprompted, photoshopped then emailed me the pic below to help steer my decision.

i'd like to use the comments section to take a poll here, comparing this pic with the foreheady one i posted last night. and pretty please can some of you lurkers out there de-lurk (under "anonymous" is fine!) and help a sister out?

gracias!

we done bought ourselves a cute new cammy with some wedding money

so you should plan on seeing more pics in the times ahead.

for example:

this is me very happy after the ups man delivered it a day early:

and this is me very unhappy with this season's dancing with the "stars"- in the words of cc: frankly, i'm unimpressed:


go home, cloris!

i don't feel like i'm bah humbug

about too many things - it's more likely i'm filled with glee over strange and small things - but one thing i simply cannot get behind is halloween for grownups. i have many a friend who tells me in september he/she's busy planning their costume to which i can only say "...oh." god love the people who love it and i certainly don't want to take away their joy - but here are a couple of my thoughts on why it sucks:

a) i don't drink. i think, once you hit 11, you'd have to be drunk to put weird crap on and prance around in the cold with other people wearing weird crap. all without the promise of candy in a pumpkin basket! (sidenote: remember those plastic jack o'lantern bucket things mcdonald's gave out 15-ish years ago? lo-ved.)

b) i really paid my dues in the dress-up-with-makeup category after 15 years of dance recitals and musicals. i've worn so many strange things on stage, (ladybug, chick with blue face and tin cans in my hair, worm) that spandex and glitter just don't impress me. (i felt a powerful impulse to add the word "much" to the end of that sentence, ala shania twain.)

c) the thought of "michael jackson" making out with "hermione granger" after one too many apple pie shots makes my tummy churn.

i love kids in costumes, i love handing out fun size snickers, i love baking cupcakes with candy corn goblins on top; i just want to see your i.d. before you partake, thank you.