A Big Dose of Birth Control

Sometimes after a stressful day at the internship, where I've been writing beauty blurbs like a mad woman, or tripping down the street to catch the last post, or reviewing DVDs about people who speak to elephants, I think to myself: I want a baby. I know this is a ridiculous thought, and not really appropriate for my stage in life, but at times it seems like such a peaceful, little idea. I could ditch some products because of that whole glowing thing that happens, eat 4 turkey hotdogs instead of 2 (okay, 3), and hold my belly in that "I've got a secret you can't know" way. Maybe I'd suddenly like scrapbooking and stencilling and I'd fill my hours with both. Maybe I'd get into that nesting thing and actually clean my bathtub, or at least the sink. I'd pick out crazy names and little shoes and the world of crazy animal chanters would be far behind me.

But then days like today happen and I realize those cozy times are a ways off. My bosses (husband and wife) have a new baby boy who's cute as heck, and I love when he's around; I coo and gurgle and kiss his feet, greedy for a baby fix. Today the 'rents had an important meeting and they needed a last minute babysitter. I jumped at the chance, happy to smush those fat little cheeks against mine. The first half hour was great, everyone all "Look at Amy, she's a natural!" I nodded knowingly and continued the rounds. Then he started fidgeting and crying and fussing and the only thing that made him stop was holding him like a football, at a very specific angle, while walking very quickly up and down the hallway. This got old fast. And even though I was helping out the Big Bosses, my Little Bosses wanted me working and kept shooting me isn't-that-cute-but-not-really faces. I tried to sit and write, jiggling him on my knee while I typed with my left hand, but he wasn't having it. By the time his parents returned, very grateful, I was shot. I know I'll love being a mom one day, but I'm definitely not there yet. I handed the little booger back, very happy to ease back into my comfy chair cross-legged, turn on my Nano, and feel responsible for only myself.