A few things, bullet point style

Strolling around our new lil courtyard.

- At least half of Harper's clothes you see pictured in pictures are hand-me-downs from the loves in my life. Thank you and you know who you are! (Christie and Mandy, <3) I love them more than new things! They're dusted with cool girl vibes and stuff. 

- Yesterday was such a bad day. Bad bad bad badness. Some of it was bad in a yeah, this sucks and I know why way. Harper had some very lengthy, very terrible, hitting-herself-in-the-head-with-her-own-hand tantrums (brought on by long car rides and different everything and mucho undersleep from the time change and, like, once I moved her red crayon to the wrong side of the coloring book?) and I didn't feel well. And then I got my hopes up about something and then it didn't happen and then Harper screamed some more. And then there were some can't-put-my-finger-on-it things that made my mood terrible/made even normal things (we were out of carrots) seem insurmountable and horrifying. I don't know, dude. But. Bad. 

- But today was much better, thanks!

- We've taken to watching (in the absence of DVR and a good Internet connection for streaming) our shows real time (feels so old-fashioned!) and then, well, eventually the show Tosh.0 comes on. And um? I feel like maybe I shouldn't admit this, but it's hysterical. I can't help myself.

- Harps is now 21 months old! It's insane! We've been obsessively looking at pictures of her as a teeny tiny bebe. She is (Exorcist style tantrums aside) a riot these days. Right now she loves, in no particular order: stickers, tying cc's bootlaces into knots, running, putting iPod earbuds in her ear and "jamming", bowls of peas, blueberry muffins, this-little-piggy on her toes, her new Ugg knockoffs, being outside, "reading" Goodnight Moon to herself ("ni ni cats! ni' ni' mouse! ni' ni' moon!"), doing her elaborate secret handshake/kiss routine with cc, holding hands, sleeping in her new bed, hiding in closets, doing puzzles, CARROTS, stairs, music videos, Batman comics, the nude lady statue outside our apartment. She's a complex girl.

- I somehow have 1 pair of pants I can wear without feeling dumb. They are brown corduroys from J. Crew, cc picked out for me at an outlet last winter. Every pair of pants I buy, I take home and they don't fit. What happens between the dressing room and my bedroom? Nobody knows. I do, however, like my shirts?

- Think I need some leftover pizza and orange juice from a wine glass.

Oh, b! (Harper's favorite exclamation)

After breakfast at the Sugar Bowl. Happy girl at the Republican HQ. Am I raising Alex P. Keaton?

I admit I felt a little glum about our current digs the first few days here. Last week we were in a cozy, decorated-just-how-we-liked bungalow and suddenly we were in an apartment with a smelly hallway and paintings from hell/K-mart in our bedroom and yellow, un-hot water. But then I pulled my grumpy self together (and we got a new water heater) because ... this place is free, dude. Free. Stop yer mumbling and pull yourself together, woman.

Re-arranged the furniture some. Scattered little play stations for Harps (tiny to-die-for IKEA cups/saucers with a doll to feed, stickers/paper, library book piles, crayons/coloring books, train set), stocked the fridge with foods we love, bought a red mum for the mantle, put on some Raffi. It's amazing how much a few days of living and some effort can do to revamp a vibe.

Other than getting settled and un-jetlagged/travel traumatized, we spent the weekend driving around all the little towns we might live in. Trying breakfast places and playgrounds, zipping down side streets and peeking thru windows. I admit I didn't know a dang thing about Connecticut before moving here, but hooooeeeee is it beautiful down here. (See how I call it down? Because I'm from Mass and now spend all my time in Maine? Heh.) This particular section is all along the ocean...but then there's lakes and ponds and creeks and, well, just a hell ton of water. I love water. I missed the water. I'm happy.

Of course with all this loveliness, comes crazy high price tags. So it'll be interesting to see where we choose to settle. Smaller/funkier house, but perfect town? Bigger house/land, but a little more remote? I know you're on the edge of your seats.

Off to bed! Way too late as usual. (I just saw a local news segment about a cat who survived for months alone in an airport? Yeah, it's time to go.)

I haz East Coastness

Double chins! Boyfriend sweater! Snowflake turtleneck! Random house's pumpkins!

Guys. GUYS. We're here! In Connecticut! Alive! We did it. (Barely, it felt, at times.)

Moving ain't easy. Even if you've done it a million times. Even if you think you gots it in the bag. You probably don't. There were slow movers and feisty landlords and hotel pizza parties (and oops! her pack 'n play got packed and I guess she'll be sleeping on a mattress now?) and many processed foods in bags and boxes and a toddler who got lost many times amongst boxes and mattresses and empty closets. I thought I'd learned my lesson about losing that one, but nope. Lost her like 12 times this week.

Oh also? Because of delays (oh, just a blizzard and stuff) in Denver, we got free teevs for our ride. After many many hours of traveling and almost zero minutes of nap, H was approaching DEFCON 1. Desperate to keep her lid on, we found a Tom and Jerry cartoon on the mini screen. Oh my heaven. I've never seen anything sweeter, truly. She was so, so concerned for both T and J. Eyebrows scrunched up and mouth in a frown. "Oh no! OH NO!" as Jerry got smushed by yet another anvil. (And we exchanged looks like um...bad parenting move maybe?) Then she'd get frantic. "More mouse? MORE MOUSE?!" And then he'd come back to life and she'd look so relieved. And then Tom would pour a barrel of fish on his head and she'd bust out laughing. For about 4 seconds. And then back to very, very worried for their health. Oh wow. Best (only good?) part of today.

So yeah. As I sit here, on this fuzzy green couch in our temp housing, I can't believe we just took a one way plane zoom to the East Coast?! Like...not round trip. Like...this is our home now. As our plane descended this afternoon, cc and I looked at each other and seemed to realize at the same time... "We live here." Woh.

Tonight, after 12 hours without food (I did feed my child), we inhaled a huge veggie Indian feast and put Harps to sleep in a big walk-in closet on a down comforter. (Yes, really.) And we took a deep breath, put up our feet, kissed our apologies for all the snapping we both snapped this week, and settled into our new little life.

Last sleep

Climbing trees today in our across-the-street park.

 It feels completely unreal that tonight is our last night in this house. Especially because all of our stuff is still out; I'm cozily watching a little teevs in the front room, surrounded by my books and pics and lamps and pretty blue Ikea curtains. All here tonight, all in boxes tomorrow. Thank you life for providing us with packers and movers -- otherwise, I'd probably be in the fetal position, murmuring sweet nothings to my mind-that-was.

Still, it makes the whole thing (surreal already) even stranger. I found myself throughout the weekend trying to explain to Harper this was her last couple nights here, that Denver would soon be a memory. Over a cereal bar and milk (meals are on the decidedly unfancy side lately), I discussed with her our favorite places and people and things we're leaving behind. She just kept looking around frantically for each thing as I named it, so that game ended pretty quickly. Still. I do believe even tiny tiny ones understand more than we think they do, and I like to imagine she's understanding the change even on a vague level.

I wonder how I'll one day look back on this year-and-a-half in Denver. It was an unbelievably challenging time for us (I do hate to be vague with details on this; they're not my details to share...but oh hell, oh yes, things are in a much better place now) and I think it will be hard not to identify this town with all the scary shit that went down. But at the same time, we found a lot of joy here. We had so many little adventures and laughed and laughed. We learned how to be a real family unit, pretty damn indestructible. We watched Harper learn to crawl and then walk and then talk. We got real healthy, we gained a planet of empathy, we changed for the better. I think we'll look back with a smile.

I'm really excited for this move. It feels right. It feels like mama bear's doing the smart thing for her family, putting us all in a stronger position to thrive and grow and take on whatever life wants to throw our way next.

Kapowpow Connecticut kapow!

Last Thursday mile high ...

Sitting here in my favorite room, the front room. I'mma put up some cute pics before we leave (the ones we lured in Craigslist peeps with), so you can see just how cute. I love it especially because it's the old part of the house, the hundred year part. Weirdly, I've discovered, it's the warmest part. So I'm huddled up here with my hot cocoa (whole milk, I'll have you know, with a peppermint candy melted at the bottom) and my yellow striped sweater and my fists shaking at the Playstation for refusing to play my British mystery on Netflix. So I've turned to the ol' blog instead.

Today we used up our last day of major discounted sporting goods goodness. I would have felt like a complete loser leaving without getting Harps some solid warm stuff for back East so...she scored a couple snow/sledding bibs and a super warm coat and some mittens. I bought myself a hot pink slouchy knit hat.

At one point, as cc and I debated over purple vs pink for her parka, we noticed she was gone. Two minutes ago hiding (pooping) inside of a clothes rack, she was now... no longer. Running/yelling all around the kids section turned up nothing, so my heart started to beat a bit harder. I produced a fast, fast child and wasn't too worried about the kidnapping potential (not because she's so fast no one can catch her - altho maybe? - just that it was more likely she'd bolted) ... but I was worried she'd head for the automatic doors and the parking lot and oh my stop the scary thundercloud thoughts.

I started darting around the clothing racks and shelves, calling her name and asking people for help. Suddenly, a big bulky dude appears and points to the exercise equipment. "I think that might be what you're looking for... I saw a strange small thing dart across the security cameras and came running out." Thanks, security dude!

She was just meandering along the free weights, pointing to the colored ones, naming them, asking "This? This?" Not a care in the world. Scooped her up, smothered her face, gave her a talking to, tried to hide my laughs.

The whole scene was straight out of my mom's and my life, circa 1987-1989, with my little brother T. Sweet Lorna Doone did that kid know how to bolt a scene. How he's a librarian and not a Houdini-type is still surprising to me.

Anywhos, all's well that ends well. Quite certain she learned approximately zero from the whole thing, but miss mama learned she's got a speedy mouse on her hands -- and freestyle pooping under sweatshirts is no longer allowed.

Snow day

Messy, snowday house. Backyard tree bending low, waaaay low. 

We woke up this morning and it had snowed like a moth-ah. And it kept snowing all day long, into the late afternoon and early evening. Dibble dibble dop dop dibble dibble dop dop. (Mr. Brown anyone anyone?)

I'd say we got 9 inches? Because most of the leaves are still cozy on their branches, the look was crazy pretty -- trees smooching the sidewalks and branches jumping ship. I took Harps on a walk early this morning after her face lit up at the sight, and some dude scolded me for having her outside under trees. Blergh. Just trying to have a lil fun, meanman. (But he was right, really.)

It was one of those really cozy and nice days, once we accepted we were stuck inside. (Tho we did all sneak out this morning before the roads were too heinous for a deelicious brunch down the street...) We colored and played with stickers and Skyped with my mom and took naps and read books and ate a lot of mushrooms. (She really, really, really loves cooked mushrooms.)

Watchin a little Caillou. 

Oh, and HJ and I made a grapefruit-and-honey cake together (from the new Mario Batali cookbook which I am licking with love) and then we all three sat at the white table and enjoyed a slice each. (And then I cleaned the bathtub with the leftover grapefruits because I read about it on Pinterest and I guess it made it cleaner? At least I felt like I was doing something earthy and special.)

And then she went to bed and we tried to stay awake and be hip (watch our shows), but sometimes a full long day inside is weirdly exhausting. So it's 9:00 and I'm typing this in bed and I think cc is already asleep. I'm trying to take deep breaths and focus on what a happy day we had and not on this friend...situation that makes brain dribble out my ears. Because it's all going to be behind me in a week -- and life's too short to let your brain dribble. Preach!

(And apropos of nothing side note I realized with a startle today: No one ever tells you being a mom means getting super excited for UPS to come so you can see her try out a new kind of sippy you ordered on Amazon. No one tells you this.)

Safety first

Guys. It's impossible to be too safe. (And backward is cuter, duh.)

What a strange week we're having. Lame duck status in your own home feels weird. I'm being really lazy about the dishes and laundry and everything else cleaning related because, well, who cares? I'll be out in 5 days and then a massive cleaning crew is coming? Tough to get jazzed for sweeping when random dudes are about to bust through your door and pack all your pots and pans and toothpastes into boxes labeled Cohen. Or Dowan. Depending on what mood they're in.

I've said most of my goodbyes and now we're just waiting to hurdle over a couple more hurdles before we hop on a plane and fly East. (Um, we should probably buy those tickets, cc?) I'm finding it hard to really believe we'll be over in another land come a week -- just like I found it hard to believe I was graduating high school or college when I still had 5 major papers to write and 12 missing library books to find under my bed. Until it's all wrapped up in a bow and done done done, I won't really think it's real. But hey, I do have that BU diploma hiding out somewhere (in my mom's closet maybe?), so if it happened before it'll happen again...Right?

Night, lovelies.

Weekend in review

This weekend we:

Munched on waffles (the best I've ever had, no joke. If you live/are visiting Denver, run-don't-walk to Waffle Brothers!) with the Evans'. Harps is falling more and more in lurve with Naveen these days (grabbed his hand as we left and wouldn't let go), so it's even sadder to say goodbye. However, we're probably only a few months away from them sneaking out their bedroom windows to rendezvous at midnight, so Clay's probably relieved.

Ate up at our favorite sushi place. (Notice a theme here? I tend to really miss the food we leave behind, so I'm on a frantic tour of our standbys.) As usual, HJ crushed: seaweed salad, tofu, edamame, tempura, and -- her first -- mango mochi. She keeps asking if we'd reconsider Connecticut and head to Japan instead.

Lots of reading and cuddles. The mornings and nights around here are getting chilly, making snuggles that much cozier inside. Cheddar bunnies and raisins in a paper cup. Hand-me-down turtlenecks from beloved bloggy friends.

Not pictured: Feeding the ducks at Wash Park (she alternates eating the stale raisin bread and throwing it at their heads), mucho sidewalk chalk drawing, waving to the grizzlies and seals and giraffes at the Denver Zoo with our pals (I hate goodbyes), kicking around a pink soccer ball at the park, and long naps. And avoiding my laundry mountain.

I can't really say I've done too much in the way of obvious prep for our almost-here move... But! The most important things have been done. We are officially OFF OUR LEASE after some serious struggles with our d*ckhead landlord. Wee! We've got the packers/movers scheduled to come and a lease ready-to-sign for our temporary housing in Connecticut. The rest is just... details? Let's hope.

Here's to a good week...and a Texas World Series!

Thursday's always been my favorite day

Coloring at the park with Dada. (Body art is much more interesting, however.)

Happy Thursday, trusty friends!

Right now, I'm:

• Eating my third "fun size" (not fun enough) Butterfinger of the morning. Durn Halloween.
• Listening to Charlie Brown Christmas on repeat. Every morning, dudes.
• Wearing in my new Target flowery thermal shirt. I get a couple every few months at 15ish dolla a pop and wear 'em to death.
• Listening to HJ and cc play quietly together in the upstairs loft. And suddenly a huge thump. Uh.
• Looking forward to getting my hairs did this afternoon.
• Giddy for Project Runway tonight. Team...I don't know? I miss Anthony Ryan.
• Reading pages of this book.
• Closing the computer for a long walk in the yellow leaves with my lady.

Oh, but don't we all need a little Harper right now?

Girlfriend loves her some pumpkins.

Thaaank you all for the well wishes on moving! I'm just happy and peaceful about it all -- ready to take it on and make it work Tim Gunn style. I'm not so into the awkward stuff that comes with moving, however. Just the... goodbyes and the getting-out-of-leases and the feeling that you're mildly upsetting people all over the place. Ew. We've got a couple serious applicants looking to take over our house, tho, so fingers crossed that particular obstacle will be karate chopped soon...

Now! Onto the delicious picture above. Don't you love when a plan comes together? As in, you have a romantic idea of pumpkin picking and your tiny person actually goes along with it and happily? This is not exactly reliable (you will love this Indian pudding I loved as a kid! No...no I won't, mom) and so I appreciate it wholly when it happens.

Harps flippin loved the pumpkins. Picking each one up, lovingly caressing them, sitting, posing. A little happy pumpkin person with flurffy blonde hair! The girl is mine mine mine, the girl is mine.

And while we're at it, here's a lil video from this morning. (Before we hit full speed ahead on cleaning up and showing our house to 12 million people.) She's going thru her little alphabet puzzle pieces... My favorite part, very subtle but you can maybe catch it, is around the 58 second mark -- when she gives me this look after realizing I'm taping her. She is always onto me. Always.

Press play on some David Bowie

Our daily walk.

Your trusty gypsy lady is packing up her hobo bag (the kind on a stick you sling over your shoulder while smoking a corncob pipe and kicking a can) and heading East with her family.

Weeeeeee!

It's true, friends. We've officially lost our minds and are officially moving yet again. This time it's for keepsies, though. (Okay, I'm making no permanent claims on exact city or state for 10+ years, but the general area, yes!)

The lurvely and handsome and so-smart-it's-kind-of-annoying cc snagged a great gig at a company in Connecticut and we're packing up all our little and big things next month to head that way. It's kind of unbelievably exciting and great, but also stressful and small parts sad. While it's no secret I've been angling to get back near my people since life changed in some major ways (that'd be with baby and health stuff), once the decision had been made (last week) I got an instant pang about leaving my pretty little bungalow and the people who have been so good to us during such a crazy year.

Changes, even when they're ones you want, are bumpy feeling. Harps will tell you all about it -- her least favorite thing in all the land are transitions. (Hold onto your head if you try and get her to leave somewhere. Or change activity. Or put on a sweatshirt.)

So! Yes! Wild and nuts, no? And hilarious that we're moving to definitely the WASPiest and yuppiest place on planet earth. (But also v close to NYC via train. I will be seeing Alvin Ailey shows whenever I damn well please huzzah!)

Cue an insane month!

Out to eat

If she's got crayons and a coloring book (or random napkin scrap) she'll stay pretty focused and content. If the restaurant doesn't have 'em, we can play sugar packet games or move around the hot sauce bottles. There's also sipping water ("izzzzzzy" if it's sparkling) and crunching ice. We can get time to move along, but it's fairly exhausting.

I need to pull my act together, bite the bullet, and make a Kid Kit for all our eating out adventures. Come on, BabySitter's Club fans. You know you're out there.

Could I get dorkier? No.

Meghan, Cal, Steph, moi, Nik. (Reuinted and it feels so gooooooood.)

 

Sunday I attended a seriously gorgeous wedding in the woods of Massachusetts. The ceremony was by a pond, we chatted under towering pines, and finished the night toasting s'mores around a campfire. Hello. But best of all, I got to catch up with many of my best friends from growing up. Dude, I chose wisely back then because I still love these ladies (and fellas) and would make them my own again, 15+ years later. I talked and laughed and talked and laughed and it was great. (And exhausting. I actually got in the car and cried for a second before going home? It was...too much to process or something.)

Okay but also. Look at the picture up top. Ain't we cute? But also. Why am I so dorky? Why am I holding a beer bottle like I'm 12 and it's my first time drinking? (12 was not my first time drinking -- don't worry, parental units. I was much too busy reading Johnny Tremain alone in my room and listening to Abbey Road on repeat.) And what's up with my legs akimbo stance? I was gettin ready to do my booty shake dance that showed up a couple hours later on the dance floor, I s'pose...

Anywho. Awesome night dot com. And I'm a nerd. Bye!

Ack! I haz blog, don't I?

Little Orphan Annie enjoys a grape.

Woah! Major radio silence. Lo siento! Forgot to mention ahead of time, but cc and HJ and I went on (and the latter ladies are still on) a top secret mission trip. I'm semi serious. I'm also sort of feeling lazy about recounting all the travel, so for now I'll just say we've been everywhere in New England ever and boy are my arms tired.

I made the strange decision not to bring a computer, so I can only typey type when I can steal/borrow a loaner and it hasn't been often.

Right now, I'm so honkin tired I can't even. Second night in a row of solo drivin to a wedding (with both ways being 2 hours) and I can't really see straight. Pretty sure I heard that Adele song 25,000 times and pretty sure I was okay with it every single one.

By the way, do you ever behave in a super-mature-for-you way and look around to get a high five or something? But then of course no, no one but your mom would probably do that. So you just give yourself little mini high fives in the bathroom stall and drink some more coffee? That just happened. It was nice!

Off to snooze land. I'll get back on this!

Mister R

Does she look sad here? That's just her look of complete engrossment, no worries. I introduced her to a little Mister Rogers today -- her first taste of my favorite, favorite person. I wasn't sure if she'd like it just yet (it's very very gentle, which I love) but of course she did, of course. As soon as he walked in the door and started singing and putting on his cardigan and changing his shoes, she was hooked.

And now, the familiar sounds of Lady Elaine Fairchild and King Friday are wafting this way and it's filling me with the most intense and happy nostalgia for my own faraway days of little persondom. Sharing these tiny things from my life with her just feels cozy. Perfect for a rainy, lazy Monday.

In case you were wondering what kind of 7th grader I was

Today in music class (which I love I lurve! If you have a kidperson and a Music Together franchise near you, t-r-y it) the teach started by asking what our favorite tracks on the CD are. Silence, silence... As usual, I try to wait so I'm not the first one to answer. And...nothing.

Okay fine.

"We love track 23, the City Blues song." (In my head: I list off our 4 or 5 other favorites.)

"Yea! We'll be doing that one today. Great jam." (Oh yes, he says things like this.) "Any other favs?"

Silence. (In my head: My brain explodes. These suckas aren't listening to the CD at home? It's, like, the whole methodology of the class! Deep breaths deep breaths.)

He gives up and talks.

"Welllllll...my favorite? Is the train song." (Starts to strum it on his guitar. Ooo! This is my other top favorite.) "I love it because it doesn't sound like a children's song. It's so soulful."

(In my head: Surely, he's going to explain how it's not a children's song, really? How it's an African-American spiritual about the Underground Railroad?)

Nope. Keeps strumming and changes over to the welcome song. The other moms sigh relief sighs as they realize they're not on the spot anymore.

(In my head: Another brain explosion. This teacher is great -- the best kiddo instructor I've yet met -- but c'mon! A perf time for a mini-lesson and nuthin! Not even sure he knows what the song is, which makes me sad. And the other blank faces around the circle let me know they're clueless, too. Blergh.)

And off I go, singing our songs and dancing our moves and ignoring the grey matter leaking out my ears.

Harps gets contacts

So Harpsmeister has been pretty cranky these past couple days. Not awful cranky, just...off. Normal good times and then just ah! Please hurry home from work, cc! I need to have 5 seconds off from negotiating with toddler person! (Over "one mo' *insert anything desirable but not appropriate for dinnertime-almost-bedtime*)...

I mean last night, we seriously had a real altercation over her wanting to play with eggs from the fridge. "EGG! EGG! EGG!" (All said with this weird guttural oomph she gives "egg" and "apple" and a bear growling.) Did she want me to cook her one, which I'd have done gladly? No. Just hold it and fondle it and break it and no. Ah! Go to bed! Stop asking for everything and really wanting nothing! We've been together for 13 hours ah!

(In her defense, she may be coming down with something. We'll know in the morning. As tonight we spotted some...spots. Oh my please no.)

But then, well...then she does stuff like this. Finds my contact case and pretends she's me. All remnants of frustration poof poof away. (Till tomorrow evening, alas...)

(And my apologies that cc makes me turn down the Huey Lewis. I mean....yeah. I know. Some people!)

School days

Sunday blues anyone? Mine are a lot less severe now that I don't work anymore and cc doesn't hop on planes every Monday morning. But still...weekends are a nice time, ay? 

We walked to brunch on Saturday, spent a lot of time crunching newly yellow leaves outside, ate 12 million portions of the veggie lasagna I made, caught up on all the delish TV that started this week. Sunday: slept in (me) while my two got brek and did a Target run (he brought me home a bag of Pumpkin Spice Dunkin Donuts coffee and fresh beignets from Lucille's ah WHAT), and then all three adventured on a long bike ride around Wash Park... stopping to feed the ducks some goldfish-knockoff-bunnies and slide down the slide. (And crunch more leaves.) Wrapped up the evening playing with shaving cream on her little table and one...more...help...me...lasagna meal. Whew. 

Snapped a few pics of H sammich partaking in her new hobby. Obsessive lettering. (That's what I'm calling it because is it reading? No 'course not. It's...letter recognizing and reciting. She knows 'em all! But doesn't love 'em all. O and M get major play time. Also T.) 

An action shot! "E" coming out those little cute lips...

Ahahhaha. Her "ba-pa" that was for school. Now just for...casual Saturdays?

Another action shot with her puzzle pieces. "R!"

She crazy.

Mostly putting this here so I don't forget it

I know exactly one Tori Amos song. No idea why it's this one (a BU friend, I think, frosh year introduced me to it -- Emily Strange, was it you?!) but I listened to it incessantly (on Napster!) and never branched out for more. And then could never remember what it was called. But here it is! I still love it love it love it. And want to choreograph a mad modern piece to it. (In fact, I am right now. The things this living room sees when she naps...)

This face is my breakfast lunch dinner and second dinner

Feel like I'm extra swoony over HJ lately... Avert your eyes if you're looking for a bag to yuck in, yo!

Also, I'm unable NOT to say "mummy's tiiiiii-red" to cc, multiple times after she's asleep for the night and we're vegging, eating ice cream under blankets. Nothing keeps the love alive like referring to yourself as mummy, people. (Also holey sweatpants, belonging to your brother 10 years ago.) Mummaymmmamay! 

I also need to understand how it's okay that Oliver-from-Project-Runway can speak in a British accent even though he's from Ohio and no one cares or comments?!

Oh and my favorite moment of today? (Other than toddler yoga, where we worked on her handstand weeeeeee!) Checking out at Whole Foods (I bought out all the cheese on this earth, making a lasagna for a friend) the cashier says to Harps: "What you snackin' on there, woman?"

It was awesome.

Aaaaaand scene.

Flibbidy gib

"Love them or hate them? The big changes Facebook is making!"

So said the local anchorman on a commercial break from my beloved shows' season premiere night. (Weeeeeeee!) Quick q: WHY DO PEOPLE WATCH LOCAL NEWS?! I can't even deal that that sentence just came out of a "professional" newsman's mouth. As a fellow human, I do not know where to look.

(I don't even watch non-local news. I read it. Much faster and much less heart attack inducing.)

Didn't mean to go on a news vent.


Just meant to show ya this pic of Harper Junebug Ham Sammich Queen Bee. This face is so her.

Out on her walk. Examining hey-ho-knows-what in her grubby hands. Furrowed brow. Tasty cheeks. Deep thoughts. Rinse repeat.

She has been on this absolutely insane learning bender the past week or two. (And I mean, all babies the first few years are always learning learning learning of course...) But it's just kicked up a few hundred notches. She does not stop chattering (much of it her own weird language, but a good amount English too) and asking what everything is and getting so frustrated (read: lie down in the sidewalk and kick) if I'm not answering exactly what she's asking. And remembering weird things from days before and combining the ideas and concepts and never stops churning churning wheels grinding. I have to suck on lozenges all day to keep up with the level of (vocal) interaction she needs -- and hey, happy to do it... Just zzzzzzzzz. I should be falling asleep at 8 these days, not 11.

Whew. Toddlers. They are special little robots that make my heart explode.

One of HJ's walls

 If ya click on the picture, gets a lot bigger. (Apologies on the light glares -- blergh!)

Oh, a few pictures and stories from my Monday

I meaaaaaaaaaaaaan the cheeks! The Kewpie hawk! The cleft-in-her-chin-from-cc! The rosy lips! I have to physically hold myself back from eating her entire face after she wakes up and looks like this. 

 

I'm really confused, but while looking for an orange crayon today, I found this lipstick I bought pre-pregnancy, at MAC in San Fran. The lipstick I've looked high and low and middle for the past two years. But then... it was in my junk drawer, a thousand miles from where I bought it? No no, of course. I'll probably never wear it again because I'm a wimp, but it made for a very fancy Monday afternoon. (And yes, I'm always tired.. but those dark circles have been on my face since I was 7. Blame the Lebanese in me?)

This is the pinkest picture ever, probably. Harps and cc's mom, hanging and reading in their jammies. Aw.

If I give you 12 (okay, probably 2) dollars, will you please come over and clean this for me? She's in bed and I really don't want to put the caps on all those markers and gather up the books and put together the puzzles and sweep the floors and put Big Bird back on the couch. I want to watch my stories and sip hot tea. Non?

Ni ni!

A handful of small letters

Dear Cotton Candy at the Fall Festival,
Thank you for making my baby so happy. And her face so blue.

Dear Insane Waitress at Potager Restaurant,
Thank you for providing us with a story we'll never forget, sista. You are either 100% socially inept and/or your dog just died and you wanted to take it out on us. Either way! You made me cry ugly tears, but now I just feel sorry for you. Later!

Dear d Bar,
Thank you for rescuing our night with your delicious cupcakes. I loved the yellow cake with chocolate frosting the mostest.

Dear cc,
Thank you for buying HJ this crazy huge Elmo balloon. She wants to marry it and that takes the pressure off real dating for a few years. Also, thank you for sleeping with the bad side of the comforter always. Also, you are really cute. Also, I love my new red mug.

Dear MIL,
Thank you for babysitting while we had our weird date. And thank you for all the long walks and baths and reading-of-the-books you did with Harps. Gave me a much needed break.

Dear salted caramel mocha from Starbucks,
Oh my God. No. You taste like my favorite drink in 11th grade from Cumberland Farms. Frown.

Dear legwarmers I'm knitting H,
I hope you turn out as cute as you seem. I guess I can always make you an arm warmer for me if you're not?

Dear mini Boden catalog,
Stop trying to take all my moneys! You are too scrumptious ah! Stop it.

Love and other indoor sports,

BJA

The Little House

Today is the lovely Krista's berfday, so when I saw Harps reading this book tonight (sent to her by Ms K), I quickly snapped a shot. It's one of her very favorites, one of her go tos for the manic reading fests she gets into.

I love when she starts a self-play sesh, because for 10 or 20 sometimes 30 minutes, I can kick back with some knitting or tea or even talk on the phone for a bit while she's happily occupied (usually talking to herself in this teeny tiny little voice, saying whoknowswhat). Mama bliss!

And hey no, thought I'd get this out of the way -- I didn't send Harps to school today. I tossed and turned some last night, but woke up this morning knowing it wasn't happening. If she were 3, 4, or 5 and I was really "not sending her to school" I'd brace myself for judgment, but I'm hoping peeps just realize she's a little babe still (19 months!) and it was supposed to be a treat for me instead of something really developmentally necessary for her. (Girlfriend is right on track socially, gots no worries there.)

But.. lesson learned I've gotta get her comfy with me leaving sometimes. And I do still want some time during the week to take a yoga class or get my hairs did; but I'mma start slower. This way had her tossing and turning for a week straight (crying out "no! no!" in her sleep) and desperate for me when I left to use the bathroom. Which I can't have! I must have those solo play sessions or I die! Plus, she didn't sleep straight thru 11 hours (her norm) till last night. It was like newborn lifestyle for a week! Heck no. Mama needs her rest and peace of mind. I know she'd eventually adjust, but psssshhh. Not into it.

And so, well rested at last, we stayed in our pajamas all day. Had some friends over. Ate treats on the couch together, Skyped with my mom, snoozed at the same time, went to the park with a coupla other pals and slid down puddle covered slides, colored (our arms), made dinner with Raffi in the background. Cozy sauce.

Tomorrow cc's mom cruises into town = Harps will soon have a full time servant. (Or so is my plan.) Looks like some luscious fall weather's en route as well -- hope for you as well. Happy weekend!

My pensive teen

I wonder if he'll call...

Along with books, tofu, pushing-her-stroller, the red monster, Huey Lewis dance parties, and climbing inappropriately high things, Harps is obsessed with jamming out to tunes in my car. In the front seat. While I drive super fast. (While it's parked.)

We walk past the Subie and she starts to ask for it and if it's not too hot out and if I'm in the mood, I'll open 'er up and start up the tunes. She sits and listens like so if it's a good one, or flips through until she finds one to her liking. If I let her, she'd keep this up for hours. May I ask when she turned 15?

In other news... GUYS my teevs finally snagged the episode of Family Ties where Tom Hanks guest stars as an alcoholic uncle jonesing so bad he has to chug a bottle of vanilla from the pantry. I saw this when I was 7 or 8 and have been intensely haunted by it ever since. And it is so intense and well acted holy woot! So what I'm trying to tell you, is a dream has come true for me tonight. Let's hug.

What else what else...

I think the hardest part about solo parenting is when night rolls around and I have no one to smooch all night. And by smooch I mean...run out to Dairy Queen and buy me a mini chocolate blizzard with cookie dough. I s'pose I'm supposed to make do with hot chocolate, but that just makes me frown.

So I'll be over here, wishing my hot chocolate had a huge dollop of Fluff on it, and looking embarrassingly forward to the start of music class fall sesh tomorrow. (What will be on the new CD???) Dorkpants out!

Oh I'm so happy, so very happy to be on this couch/home/drinking a juice box

Small person! Giant chair!

Hey, guys? Whenever I'm feeling blue on myself, please remind me how incredibly kick ass I am at traveling solo with a toddler and lots of bags and creating dinners from stale Starbucks offerings and also looking sorta cute as it's happening? (Um yes! Of course those stares were because of my hotness, not my complete-losing-my-noodle-should-we-rescue-her?-ness).

Because while our trip out to Sun V was with both parental units, the return trip was me and me alone. And my sidekick. cc has a work trip and so ladies night! For a couple nights! And a plane ride? (I'm delirious right now, I think?)

But by the end, 7 hours after saying bye to cc, as she's happily sucking down her weird supper, I'm pulling my suitcase and her pack 'n play in one hand and her-inside-her-stroller in the other... I was like hot damn sauce I'm awesome. I wasn't even crying! Well, maybe a little.

Oh but our trip! Our trip was fun. It was beautiful out there in Idaho, with the chilly mornings and all the deer and the wolf (WOLF) that ran in front of our car the first night (we drove 3 hours that first night after our flight, arriving at  at 1 amz. Harps was awake the entire time, which was actually mostly hilarious instead of annoying for some unremembered reason). We were really just there to hang someplace pretty with our friends Jon and Steph (the ones Clay married! and the ones who were in Missouri when I went into preterm labor stuff...and she continued to check my cervix after we got home because she's a midwife holy hell that's friendship) who we adore adore adore. And I don't really adore a lot of people, so! Fun.

I NEED to post a picture of cc in his waders (waders? waiters? waterz?) because he and Jon went fly fishing and ah! The hilarity and cuteness. Kill me dead. (Steph and I ate brunch out with Harps and then talked for 12,000 hours on the couch with cups of tea.)

Are you wondering how I'm feeling about Harps' school stuff? Me too! Meh. I'mma play it by ear. I think (know) whichever way I roll, girlfriend will be fine and sweating it too much is borderline insane.

I think that's it outta me. I'm loving this couch I'm on so hard. And the rain pounding down on my roof. And the cozy bed with the soft sheets awaiting me upstairs. And the silence down the hall from my sleeping toddler who was a complete angel on the flight with nothing to entertain her but a Sky Mall magazine and two dum dum pops.

Hearts, my loves.

Sun Valleying

Back tomorrow! (Thanks for all your words re: Harps and school; feeling better about the whole thing...remind me not to get so emo before a few deep breaths ahem...)

So Harper...how'd you like school?

My pretty treat after a teary drop-off.

 And her answer would be...not so much, guys! Not so much.

Girlfriend was not pleased when I left (nor was I, truthfully) and when I picked her up 4 hours later, she was...crying. And: "Mumamamammamamamaaaaaaa!" I think part of that was hearing my voice outside the door, but the teachers did report she was on/off sad the whole time. Kind of makes me pukey to hear that, but I wasn't exactly surprised and hey, I know she'll adjust. (I guess?) Blergh.

Still...she was so happy to see me and so into her sandwich (hunger strike during school, apparently) and just so pleased to be back in love again, it made me feel like I'd subjected her to medieval torture instead of a delightful little play day with graham crackers and teapot sets. Double blergh.

I don't know. I'm feeling sadder than I'm letting on... because she wouldn't nap all day and now she won't fall asleep -- she's too scared to be away from me. She's screaming and sweaty and anxious and clinging to me and I'm not even a little bit annoyed. I'm just guilty and ... sad. Just sad. And thinking she just might not be ready for this.

I know most everyone will tell me it's an adjustment and she'll get over it, but my heart is heavy tonight. I'm proud of my mothering; I work really hard everyday at creating a life for her that is peaceful and creative and silly and happy. It's my job. So when she's feeling just the opposite of those things, it makes me feel like I'm failing. And I can't always see what's happening just yet -- are these growing pains or is this a mistake? Is this a path to better things for us both or the beginning of bitten baby nails?

It didn't help that my friend from playgroup picked her son up at the same time and? The teacher handed him over with: "Not a tear! Not one!" What the flip? How? I love this friend, tho, because she was zero smug. "He'll have his days. I know he will." Maybe...or maybe not.

But what did I do during my time off? I got a treat and then I ate it on my couch. I took out the trash and folded some of her clothes. I played Car Talk loud on the speakers (those guys make her nervous) and plucked my eyebrows. I put on mascara. I went to therapy. (Go me for scheduling a session during a decidedly emo time.) I perused expensiveyugly boutique clothes and then I bought a sandwich. And then it was time to pick her up. It was nice. I didn't wring my hands or cry in the fetal position; I actually relaxed and had a fine time.

Post eyebrow fixing and mascara applying. Ha.

I sure looked a little prettier with some solo time.

Tomorrow my little family boards a plane for a long weekend in Sun Valley, Idaho. I've never been to Idaho! Whose a 'ho? It will be fun to see our friends and get fresh air and kick up our legs. I'll try and take some fotos.

And now, my newly-arrived-from-Portland-Maine chamomile and lavender tea awaits my mopey mouth. Smush.

Um that up there? That's my baby, doing downward dog on...a placemat.

I was unloading the dishwasher when I looked over to see her rooting through my basket of dirty cloth napkins and dishtowels. Clay had put a little pile of placemats on top and she'd uncovered them. The rectangularness and little tiny ridges must have reminded her of a yoga mat and so...off she went. I wish so hard I'd had a video going, tho. "Om. Om. Om." I love that weird little nugget pants so hard.

Tomorrow is her first day of "school" and I alternate between being really excited and ready for those few hours to myself and panicked. I'm glad today was what today was, tho. She was fussy and tired and wasn't interested in her usual interests and kept asking for "Elmooooohhhhhh?" after she'd had her allotment and got her brand new shoes soaking wet 5 seconds after stepping outside and took forever to fall asleep at nap and then perfectly put on the charm whenever dada was around (lunchtime kisses and then dinnertime Ghostbuster dancing).

I was so tired today; my legs were lead each time I sat/stood during diaper changes and when I had a break, I could only stare into space. And I talked to uno adult: The crazy checkout lady at Target who, after wishing me a good morning, started talking about how much she's dreading the 9/11 anniversary on Sunday. "Is it going to be as hard a day for you as it is for me?" There's no right answer, lady.

So yes! Long and tired day with my be-lov-ed banana. Followed by, hopefully, a semi-scary but easier one tomorrow... Keep ya posted.

7 Post Meme

The lovely and salty (truly a sista-from-another-mista) Laura, over at Navigating the Mothership (one of my favorite flavors on all the Internets), nominated me for this 7 post Meme -- and by gum, I'mma get 'er done! Tonight! (I never do these things, so accept this as my love letter to you, L.)

The whole idea is to get a bunch of bloggers from all over the 'webs to look back at their archives and share old (and maybe forgotten) material. It's a fun way to remember all the crazy things you've written about and to introduce parts of yourself peeps might not know about.

Rules:
1) Blogger is nominated to take part
2) Blogger publishes his/her 7 links on his/her blog – 1 link for each category.
- Your most beautiful post
– Your most popular post
– Your most controversial post
– Your most helpful post
– A post whose success surprised you
– A post you feel didn’t get the attention it deserved
– The post that you are most proud of
3) Blogger nominates up to 5 more bloggers to take part.
4) These bloggers publish their 7 links and nominate another 5 more bloggers
5) And so it goes on!
6) The site Trip Base is sharing the best posts from participating bloggers on their blog and everyday on Facebook and Twitter at #My7Links

Here's goes!


Most Beautiful

There were a few -- mostly to do with Miss H pants -- that I thought of, but for some reason I really like this one. I just remember that day so clearly. The drizzle on my face, the quiet of the early morning, feeling her kick as I walked, treading slowly in my green boots, picking out little treats, looking out at the water and taking deep breaths.

Most Popular

My most comment-heavy posts are definitely Harps related, but none more so than when we found out she was a she! It was such a fun day (I will always find out the gender of babes in my belly -- I just lovedloved knowing) and I remember cc was posting little hints in the comment section and teasing people. Here ya go.

Most Controversial

I hardly write a controversial blog, friends. I think if I had millions of readers and they really dug into the archives, they'd find something to get angry about (I used to say terrible things about San Francisco's Chinatown, for example), but these days especially I'm pretty tame. However! Upon starting this little challenge, I remembered that way back in my first months of blogging (5 years ago!) I had this reader that hated my nuts. Read every post and said something horrible afterward. I'm guessing it was someone I knew? But after a few months, Anonymous Pants left me alone...Anywho! Here's an example. 

Most Helpful

I'm no Pioneer Woman. I think I've posted one recipe (yogurt, recently) and have I even ever done a tutorial on cloth dipes or traveling with a baby or anything? I think no? So this one was hard to come up with. I'm going to go totally random and link up a post that still makes me laugh -- and claim it's helpful because...maybe you'll know what to do if you go into early labor in rural Missouri? Uh.

Whose Success Surprised Me

This is funny, because I think Laura's pick for this was also hair related... Who knew people cared so much about my bangs? (And yes, I got them and no, they didn't look good.)

Didn't Get the Attention It Deserved, Dammit

What a funny concept. Why didn't you all LOVE THIS POST MORE?! *sob heave sob* I chose this one because I reveal how I met cc and it didn't get uno comment. Which was a little surprising, I s'pose. Tho really I'm just grasping at straws here because this category makes me uncomfortable. Excuse the weird font stuff -- I was in an Experimental Stage.

And finally:

Most Proud Of

A month before I got preggers and we moved to that apartment in the sky and it pretty much sums up...me. (I didn't get ANY this year. Tragedy!)


And she's done! Now I'mma tag a few of my favs to do the same...

1) In high school, we once had the conversation: "No...you're the Mary and I'm the Rhoda!" The too gorgeous and makes-me-spit-out-my-tea when she says stuff Nikki over at The Bra Factory.

2) One of my most favorite and kindred spirits I've met through the Internets. Her family and life are a delight to read about: Mandy over at The M. DeWilde Family.

3) Miss Kalen Pants over at Momfish. We go way back in cyber years and I love her (and her dimples) in a real way. (I wish she'd access her old bloggy, which had some definitely spicy/controversial stuff -- but alas, I fear it's gone...)

4) We once got drunk and hid inside a wall to escape the "police"... She also has amazing fashion sense and the best bum I've ever seen. Michaela over at My World in a Paper Cup.

5) This girl is so effing funny. We went to acting school together and girl is good. She's about to have a baby boy any second now... a home birth hurray! I can't wait to hear every single insane detail. Kimberly over at.. Over It.

Quite happy tomorrow is already Tuesday and you?

I'm working on a lengthier post -- I was tagged to do a 7 post meme -- but it's taking Her Slowness awhile to pull it all together. So for now, a few words on the weekend.

Poor Chesney was sick for part of it; some weird stomach bug took her over for 12ish hellish hours, but then as quick as it came it quick took a hike. This made sleep (and being alive, frankly) a little bit wonkyjanky for us all, but I made up for the hard nights with massive naps on all three days. Which felt awesome.

Clay got a bee in his man bonnet and became a tornado of decorating/organizing/amazing'ing. Like, hours of cleaning and pitching and sorting and then solo Ikea'ing and picture hanging and furniture assembling. Bananas! Our place was still rough around the edges, but they're much smoother now. We've got some rull cute things going: will post pics soon.

Mural at Watercourse Foods. Love love love.

We ate a delish late lunch at our fav veggie place. Harps wasn't happy in the booster seat till we whipped out the crayons. She drew secrets under the table in a little notebook I found in my bag.

"I heart..."

And then she inhaled most of my salad. Well, mostly the mushrooms off it.

 Afterward, I tried an iced soy latte and found it nutty and delish who knew ah who am I becoming?!

We shopped at dada's work's annual majorsale thing. H scored a jacket and a winter hat, which -- tho in the 80's -- she wouldn't take off.

Today we did more house stuff and lounged and walked the 'hood and danced to Huey Lewis. And when the temps cooled, had over cc's cousin, recent Texas transplant, for some homemade portabello burgers and sweet potato fries and (oh yes, I went there) vegan cookies. My first attempt at vegan baking and pretty taste, methinks. (Tho I'll cut way down on the sugar next time. My teeth sort of ached during cookie #2). He was a good sport about the meatless meal and we had a nice time catching up with the young dude.

And now? Now I pat my cookiefull belly, pray for HJ to sleep through the night, and dream of the juicer en route in the mail. (Beware: Adventures in juicing coming soon to a blog near you and you and you!)

What'd you guys do?

This morning

She woke up too early again. I'm blaming teeth, but at some point it's just her new wake time, I fear.

We read books in bed with dadpants after eating our oatmeal.

Put on our checkered Vans (gift from last year) and took 'em for a walk into the chilly (yes!) morning. Still too big. Bum!

Plan on cleaning up the living room and kitchen before playgroup arrives at 10...

Plan on taking a bath before people see my hair look like this...

But for now, halfandhalfheavy coffee and the Sesame Street crew singing a strangely delightful tune.

Happy (hopefully) long weekend, peoples!

Veggie life: work in progress

Here's an example of something I made for dinner this week.

Spinach salad with yogurt dressing. (Homemade yogurt + curry + salt + pepper.)
Quinoa with currants and chopped onions.
Carrots roasted with evoo and salt/pepper.

It was tasty. (And pretty!) But not filling enough for dinner. Needed more protein (and more fat, honestly.) I'd bought some soy nuts and forgot to put them on; they would have helped. Mixing some beans in with the quinoa and adding some avocado would have, too -- as would tofu or one of those other weird textured proteins I'm having a hard time making peace with.

I had better belly-filling-success with the goat cheese/mushroom quesadillas I made the next night, a bowl of black bean soup on the side. And tonight will be whole wheat spaghetti, marinara sauce, fresh basil from our creepy hydrogrower thing, and a bit of cheese sprinkled on top. Need to use up the spinach, so I'll make us eat salad, too. (Yes, I'm relying on cheese too much for fat/protein. Blergh.)

Oh oh but my funniest meal was last night. cc had a work dinner and I was starving at 5:00. HJ doesn't really like boxed mac 'n cheese (crazy), but I had some Annie's in the cupboard and I was feeling otherwise clueless. Whipped some up in the saucepan and then sauteed down a head of kale in the skillet (with evoo, s + p). Then I mixed it together and ate it? The kale was chewier than I'd like and hard for her to eat -- thoughts on this? I love the taste and flavor combo, but felt like a cow.

And now, I must attend to her Highness.