I was thinking today

The last time I lived in a high-rise, waiting for an elevator to take me down to mailboxes or lattes, I was 18. Claflin Hall, West Campus, Boston University, USA. We had a view of the Mass Pike.

When I filled out the housing request form mid-summer, I was careful to write in capital letters: DO NOT PUT ME ON A FINE ARTS FLOOR. I wrote it a few times, in a few extra places, and made sure to underline it. I even threw in a few arrows for good measure. Maybe I didn't say please?

I was about to start at BU's acting conservatory and knew my days were about to be filled with non-stop theater people, theater talk, theater foods. I really wanted a safe refuge from it all, really wanted a chance to meet some "normals" to even out my college experience -- because I sure as hell wasn't going to get that chance in classes.

The day I got my room assignment, running out the door to babysit some munchkins, I froze halfway to the car. Not only had they placed me on one of the two fine arts floors, they had put me with another acting student. Not even a musician or a painter! What the what? For all they cared, I might as well have written 'I'll be dealing crack and sleeping with the dean, kthxbai!'

I felt gloomy and trapped and ripped-off. I wanted to be an actress, but still had major doubts about it; it felt important that I experienced a taste of something else. You know, to be sure.

Turns out, nothing could have been better for me than doing the whole thing full force. Because I did have all those doubts, it was actually helpful to immerse myself 194 percent and see if I could take it all. (Nope!) I think if I'd roomed with a Math major, had lived on a normal floor, had had another life to fall back to after-hours, it may have taken me a lot longer to figure out I was not cut out for all the drama. (Ha.) Instead, I cut to the chase pretty quickly and saw I'd lose my shit (even more than I actually did) if I stuck around for much longer. I love me some theater, but I should probably stay away.

Which is to say -- as I work on my finals for education classes and wait to hear back from a completely non-educational job interview -- I've got it all figured out now.