Tuesday, February 05, 2008

for your edification

1) last thursday i drove to the airport to pick up clay. it's always tough to gauge exactly when to arrive, what with those ridiculous men guarding the curbs with whistles and megaphones, who do a little circus dance when you pause longer than 4 seconds. as i was making a lap around the terminals, i thought to myself: man, if i could perform magic right now, i'd turn my car into a taxi and hide out in their line. and then i thought to myself: that's the most pathetic use of magic ever.

2) when we bought our handy new bed (working out quite nicely thanks!) we ate at the ikea cafe, my favorite part of the ikea experience. if you don't have time for a sit down meal, may i suggest you at least purchase the $1 cinnamon bun? they're heavenly. but my point is, we sat next to a couple in evening wear. meaning, the man was in a full tux, the woman in a ball gown. and they were upstairs at ikea, eating meatballs, and i believe talking about opera. to get into ikea in the first place, you have to purposely park in the large garage and purposely follow the large blue and yellow arrows. you don't just happen upon the ikea cafe, like you may happen upon a quiznos. so these people either showed up on purpose to eat before the symphony, which is great, or they dressed up for my benefit, to which i say: thanks guys!

3) whenever we drive home from work we drive through the red light district. we always turn our heads to see who's walking in and out - it's impossible not to. the other day i made clay engage, much to his annoyance, in a discussion about what circumstances would have to come together to make me strip. here's what we decided: it's a friday afternoon. clay, my family and friends are all dead. i have a child. he's sick and needs a $10,000 operation by monday morning. my credit cards are maxed out. i'm in shape.


  1. 3) ... and the child's name is Cosette.

  2. yeah you need a reason to strip. a child is good... or what if everyone died. and then you needed a doctorate over a period of three years... you would be like bridget on the girls next door.

  3. 1) A better car wish would have been a police car or one that said FBI.

    2) The couple had obviously heard about your promotion.

    3) I think the West is way too uptight about the use of clothes.


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