Wednesday, April 30, 2008

two powerbars, a vitamin water and a handful of pringles later

well, internet users. i'm feeling quite pleased with myself. this morning after forcing myself out of downy comfort, i smothered the bod with spf, put on stretchy yet supportive (and pink!) move out gear and hit the road. rumor had it that right near our hotel a good long walking/bike trail starts its windings and i was determined to find it and journey forth. and i did! good story!

[i'm especially proud i found it without tears because this isn't the bja way. i'll confess there was some fumbling (i thought the trail started in this little train depot looking thing - it looked so national parkish? - but when i walked inside the gates closed on me and i was trapped! forever! a lone groundskeeper took pity on my sad soul and whispered the combination to me to unlock them. i was free!) but this whole saga only took about 5 minutes - a vast improvement over yesterday's hour long stumble to find the dream cafe.]

friendly groundskeeper person also pointed out the real trail to me and off i went, backpack on back, snacks in place. and you know, dallas? you're not too bad. you're warm but breezy, you've got a rainbow of wildflowers, lots of green stuff that smells good, and courteous (alarmingly tanned) pedestrians. not that pedestrians in sf aren't polite, they just don't smile at my face for no reason.

the whole trail is a linear 3.5 miles, but i turned around when i hit the 2 mile marker, making for a nice 4 mile loop. i could have gone longer if my loser hips and knees weren't borrowed from a senior citizen. something i should look into? probably.

and now i'm back and ready to pop in a movie. last night i found out i can call downstairs, request a dvd (or 3) and they'll run them up to me? why so friendly, w? i wrapped up sister act this morning. next up? mia farrow = carrying the devil's baby. me = jumping/screaming/blissing.

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

cherry, baby


sorry for the shhh. i've been taking trips around this little usa of ours.

last week, i spent some sunny days on the east coast. my family pulled off a surprise shower that made me feel all warm, fuzzy and bride-y. thanks ladies!! i loved it.

special party trophies go to:

christie and mef: fondue, fruit on sticks, tea cups, bamboo and etsy!
michaela - she flew in from chicago, for the
day, to drink tea with us!
matt - the lone male to surf the girly waves!

after my lovely party, mom and i ran all over the world tasting bbq meats and cupcake frostings and picking out daisies and getting my face painted. it was frenetic and fun and tlc-worthy. i really kept wondering where my camera crews were?

oh, excuse me! i just had to bust my ear drums out. brooke and sayesha were singing.

okay, back to me. now i'm in dallas, because mr. clay is here for work and why not pal along? i ate at my favorite big d cafe (monte cristo = sandwich made my angels), deftly avoided buying anything at a droolicious thrift store, read lots of pages, and walked. and burned my shoulders.

and now it's neil diamond night on
idol (neil dawg, you look good!) and i'm waiting for my worker bee so we can shovel some foods in our mouths. seacrest out.

Friday, April 18, 2008

insta slim


my second week in advertising i bought a (very large, super size me) piece of cake, brought it back to the privacy of my cube, and proceeded to eat the entire thing in about 5 minutes. not really my style, since it can take me upwards of 12 hours to finish a chai. i was bewildered the first time, but in the months that followed it became a frequent habit. bad conference call? rice krispie treat. bitchy email from bitchy copywriter? brownie bites. in the harsh world of jingles and slogans, sugar became my buddy, my guy, my friend.

but now! now, voila, i suddenly don't need to inhale this stuff like it's oxygen. yes, i still like treats (er, see post immediately below) but these days they're enjoyed with mindful, sane delight. take away the mess that was my day and i'm back to wrapping up half-eaten power bars "for later".

except for spaghetti. i've never been able to eat that stuff without a shovel.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

can you tell i should be working on my book right now but i'm not?

no, no i'm too busy to write, you see! i'm drinking a homemade coke float. and it's delicious. and important.

here's the recipe:

take a glass. it should be tallish.

put a few tiny (or large! go crazy!) scoops of haagen daaz vanilla frozen yogurt on the bottom. (i hate vanilla ice cream, but for some reason vanilla froyo is acceptable and even, occasionally, delicious.)

open a can of coke. real coke, not the stuff with the fake stuff.

pour it in.

guzzle and delight and sugar coma.

born and raised


do you have a tune or two you listen to on repeated repeat and you really can't explain why? like it may be good and all, but not that good?

for me in the past year (year!) it's been stevie wonder's ebony eyes. what? don't get me wrong, the s-man is one of my all-time favs, but why this song? it wasn't a hit, it wasn't featured in some touching cinematic moment, it's not particularly life changing, and it's really kind of hokey. so why this song over and over and over and over and over wherever i walk and go and live?

i don't myself have ebony eyes, nor was i "born and raised on ghetto streets" - so i couldn't make it the theme song of my hit tv show. and i really can't think of another purpose for it. confusion!

so seriously - give me some examples of your own?

snip snip

we'd been admiring these ikea drapes for awhile now and finally took the plunge this weekend. they've got a vintage feel and lots of rich neutrals playing together in a happy dance. we're hanging them in the bedroom, which we hope soon to paint a warm, den-like gray. not too worried about adding a ton of color to the mix, since the rest of our place has it in spades.

after i finish my cup of tea and one (1) cookie, i am going to attempt to hem said curtains. sweet mother of god, pray for me.

*UPDATE*
that didn't go well. me = idiot. the end.

*UPDATED UPDATE*
in the spirit of removing unfriendly labels from my vernacular, i'll modify my last statement. here's what happened.

the curtain kind of buckled at the bottom because it's a two-layer operation and that's hard to swing. then the iron-on hem didn't really hold - probably both a function of the cheap ikea materials and the two-layer issue again. but the curtains can be fixed and will come out fine. thank god i stayed conservative with the scissors.

what probably can't be fixed (BUT TRUST ME I TRIED) is the chunk of carpet i melted with the iron. it appears i'm unable to simultaneously hold a crease, maneuver a hot machine (don't laugh at that, this is no time for jokes) whilst also keeping my floor from morphing into a puddle of hot glue. now please excuse me, as i go find my resume and remove "multi-tasking" from my skill set.

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

i love it when paula's wasted


um in the middle of a debate tonight over whether or not brooke white sucked (she did), paula randomly breaks through the fighting to address brooke (married!) and seacrest. i'm not sure if everyone caught this, but i rewound about 12 times. it's very important:

"no! but let me tell you something. the two of you look very great on stage together right now. you look like a couple."

weirdest. most. inappropriate. thing. to. say. ever.



did you know without trigonometry there'd be no engineering?

i'm amused by my email correspondence, re: our wedding, with the church administrator - only because she used to be my 9th grade english teacher. (yes, michaela, yes.)

it's always strange to go from calling a teacher by "mrs." to using her first name, but that's what i'm doing now and i can't help but chuckle every time. i'm taking the chuckling as a great sign of maturity, since previous mentions of this woman caused quite a stir within my easily-manipulated nervous system.

see, that year i wrote a paper - on romeo and juliet- and i'm telling you, people, this thing was good. not my finest work, no. but good! solid! etc! i don't know what to tell you except that i don't write bad english papers. it's against my religion - the one where i worship a god of unending compulsions and irrational demands? yes, you may be familiar with its teachings.

so there i was, innocently expecting a grade in the A-/B+ range. sitting on my desk, twirling my flaxen hair, as yet innocent to the evils of this world.

but then she called me to her desk. and solemnly handed me the graded paper.

as i turned to walk away, she grabbed my arm.

(can you feel the drama building? my novel's gonna fund three houses! and a subaru outback!)

"you really missed the mark on this one, amy."

and then i died.

and what was the grade, you ask? 76. 76! just - outta the blue! a big, fat c. with that one swipe of her pen, my hopes of a career in anything, anything! - dashed! it all can change so quickly, people, this thing we call life.

(chuckle.)

Monday, April 14, 2008

this is my hula hoop. that is yours.


two uncharacteristically warm days brought out lots of people and all their skins to my daily walking route along crissy field. me no likey. humans? on my beach? move along, people. nothing to see here. nothing to see.

thankfully, the wind and fog returned today and left me to walk in curmudgeonly peace. did i used to deal with crowds better? have i finally just accepted my inner old man?

so yes, i was happy to have my path back, but then after my walk i wanted to do a little yoga on the grass near my car. sure sure, i'm quickly morphing into a hippie skip. i'll be sure to wear some flowers in my hair. but then! some man was just sitting! in his truck! facing my grassy knoll! i swear this is a san francisco thing; people just sit in their cars. the hell? how'm i ever gonna zen out when creepy men in white pickups are staring?

to be honest, sometimes i even get annoyed when i hear someone walking up fast behind me. why. are. you. on. my. sidewalk? my brother says he's got the same issue, so we comfort ourselves with the thought it's genetically inevitable.

but at the same time i'm very excited about the book club i'm forming with three other girlies. i'm hosting the inaugural meeting at our sturdy little apartment and fully intend on rocking some of amy sedaris' stuff. and rocking it hard. (oh, i've been meaning to ask: amy, will you marry me?)

apropos of nothing, i suppose, except to prove i do like people sometimes. just not mosttimes.


as i was driving back from the airport

this morning, after dropping the donut-maker off, i got a flash of a very specific work scenario accompanied by a very specific, heart-thumping, sinus-clenching anxiety. and then i remembered holy butt, i don't work there anymore!

i don't need to run down to the dubbing room - small, dank and filled with people who've started, through bad air and much pizza, to morph into a subhuman, superjudging species - fill out a form asking for 25,478 beta sps (WHATEVER THE HELL THOSE ARE), stutter when they ask if i need them compressed, flinch when they yell at me for not knowing, then finally flutter my eyelashes and pretend my brain's a gin-soaked pea (jessica simpson, you're a genius) when i realize it's the only way it'll get done. then wipe the sweat pooling in my armpits and run upstairs for some more ass-kicking.

so the answer is yes, i miss my job very much, thanks for asking!

Friday, April 11, 2008

some things

1. i'm typing this post on my new laptop, yo! yes, that very sensible piece of equipment pictured above is now cozy on my yoga-panted lap. why not white with a crunchy fruit depicted on the cover? disillusioned with macs by the crankiness of my 3 prior ibooks, we went old school and bought a pc.

mr. clay shopped his pants off to find the perfect fit, but high up on the list was the KEYBOARD. the KEYBOARD (CAPS LOCK is funz!) is the most delicious, delightful, throw-your-hands-up-and-yell thing i've ever touched. er. but really, if you're working on a book, blogging about nonsense and google chatting like a champ, this is the machine you want.

2. it's like 80 degress here today. what? huh? i woke up in the wrong city and i'm scared.

3. why do i shop anywhere other than consignment shops? i found a scrumptious pair of pants by theory today for 26 dollars. 26! basically free! these usually go for like $250. and my bum looks cute. shazam!




4. but then sometimes i still buy new things. in my defense, these were cheap, red, and when you buy one for yourself, you're also buying one for a child in need.

they're also cozy because they remind me of something my grandfather wore in florida in the 80's. i think. maybe? any familial units remember? anyways. my feet will be so cute you'll eat them with a spoon.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

giving my eyes a workout

to make any progress on my book, i've got to be somewhere that's not-home. there's too many temptations here: briscoe and green, the internets, mint milanos. i'm testing out a variety of locales, but made the most headway yesterday at the library. (no! the place created for all things book?)

of course, the whole time i was surrounded by things and things and things i wanted and so it was still kind of distracting. i probably need to write in an engineering library.

once i was finished with enough pages, i let myself shop. here's what i got:




1. the adventures of huckleberry finn. this is one of clay's very favorites, so i'm giving it another whirl. i liked it the first time, but that was 10th grade and i wore pants 5 sizes too big. i hope to find i've changed since then.



2. anansi boys. i got this one on tape, so when i take my walks i can double task and fit in some stories. if you haven't read anything by neil gaiman, you should. he's creepy and smart and good.




3. s is for silence. oh, to be a tiny pumpkin pie slice of the mystery author sue grafton is. yet another yummy find in her alphabet series. i need to keep a notebook of the letters i've read so far. at this point it's kind of helter skelter, but this one didn't sound familiar... (side note: i honestly found myself looking under "f" for fletcher yesterday. too much murder she wrote anyone?!)


4. peace is every step. if martin luther king (bu grad!) nominates you for the nobel peace prize, you're probably not a slacker. for anyone interested in meditation and mindfulness, thich nhat hanh is pretty much the man.

tralalala. time to edutain myself.

Wednesday, April 09, 2008

making it work

this winter i bought a couple turtleneck/babydoll dresses from the gap. and then proceeded to wear them every other day for months on end. i'm sure my coworkers were excited.

well, i just found the spring/summer version of them this weekend at the same on-every-corner retailer (knock it if you will, but just you try finding a cuter poncho for so few pesos!) in both navy and gray. yes, clay, i have an addiction to jersey, but these duds are really comfortable, flattering and multi-faceted; i'll add chunky necklaces, scarves, cardigans and fun ballet flats for super cuteness.


they did border a wee bit on the safe side, though, so i was happy when i found the above foto on the sartorialist. see how she ties the ties up front instead of in the back? well, i just tried it with mine and voila. sassified.

ohm

after my morning constitutional down by the water, i welcomed two ladies, about my mom's age (this detail is to convince you i didn't pick up anyone who might slash my face off, because we all know that women in their fifties are devoid of emotion and rage), into my vw. they were attired all hippie-but-still-really-wealthy-like and held a big bunch of bananas. they had walked across the golden gate from marin and now needed a ride to the big olympics protest downtown. i didn't have much else planned for the next 20 minutes (or 20 hours), so tried my best to get them there.

as a note, i should not be relied upon for taking people to places that aren't in my daily route, since my geographical understanding of life is slim to minus-zero. i kept cursing myself and the women were all "it's okay! what a lovely day for a drive! we're just happy to know you!" to which i found myself checking them for dilated pupils and the like.

but then i found out they teach meditation at this place across the bridge i've been researching and it all made much more sense. i told them i'd meant to check out a class there this morning, but i slept too late, how annoying. and they shook their heads and patted my back and said "no, no. your body needed to sleep and so it did. you'll get there next time. how 'bout a banana?" to which i said right on, hippie skippies.

Tuesday, April 08, 2008

mc,we will miss you.

Monday, April 07, 2008

walking by the water, my favorite kativity these days.

i might build a cardboard house and make clay move here with me.

we'd probably get really cold, though.



thanks to jen, our lovely weekend house guest, for snapping the fotos. and buying us all that burma superstar last night.

conversations that happen when it's late


me
: that BATHROOM at beacon!
it was so weird and scary

Sharon
: with the newly installed PERIOD BINS
9:34 PM
me
: omg!@!!!!!
period bins!!!!!!!!!!

Sharon
: we have those at the phx, but luckily
NOBODY SENT OUT AN ANNOUNCEMENT OVER EMAIL ABOUT THEM
the way that weirdo did

me
: no office wide email about them???
why not?!?!?!

Sharon
: THE PERIOD BINS ARE COMING

me
: alert alert!!

Sharon
: YOU BETTER GET EXCITED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HURRAH!

me
: the british are coming and SO ARE THE PERIOD BINS!!!!

Sharon
: PARADE YOUR PERIOD!!
ENJOY YOUR BINZ
PERIOD BINZ.com

Wednesday, April 02, 2008

say it ain't so!

goddammit, the gutte got kicked off dancing with the stars last night. and right after he performed the mango no less! he danced cheek-to-cheek with another man, on live television, in a spandex ensemble and they think it's legal to kick his sweet ass off? wrong.

a few other things of note:

try and catch the latest "the stars are at macy's" commercial: this hot dude walks into the store and everyone's swooning and donald trump is all mad for some inexplicable reason. ignore him and look for martha stewart in the background, fanning her face all siren like? spooky.

as simon said, if he can make a song about sparrows sexy, david cook can do anything.

that was a diverting break, friends, but it's bathroom cleaning time. we've got company this weekend and the faucets must shine!

Tuesday, April 01, 2008

meanie.com

as i was driving along a busy strip of san francisco roadway today, i became increasingly annoyed by the construction trucks parked and clogging up the left hand lane. how dare they interrupt my seamless journey to best buy? aren't they supposed to do this kind of work in the middle of the night so i can drive in princess-like peace?

but then i looked closer and realized all the men in orange were busily planting flowers along said roadway and i smacked my head hard, like they do in the v8 commercials that make me want to die.