Monday, September 15, 2008

i'm constantly analyzing

my female friendships. i envy men for the utter simplicity with which they conduct their male bonding. i won't go into the oft-discussed topic of why, specifically, female friendships are so f'ing hard. for me, i'm more interested in:

after all is said and done, which ones are worth keeping?

i always feel best when i don't have a "best friend" - which maybe is strange? but there's something stifling and too intense about all that. inevitably, there are hurt feelings and angsty chapters. i'm convinced it strips days off my life. really, i'm happiest when i've got a bunch of different friends that make up - to quote my dear mother - a "bouquet": a handful of pretties that each do a different job:

one to talk about books, another my childhood or my feelings or clothes or meditation or mike rowe or lipstick.

but my question is, who makes the cut into said bouquet? i've been accused of having overly high expectations and i'll own that. but i've also put up with some seriously bad situations for too long. i guess there needs to a variety, both in quality and content: not everyone can be the pink gerbera daisy and an arrangement isn't as sharp without baby's breath. so... i can be okay with different standards for different people.

but doesn't there need to be a basic test everyone has to pass? even the baby's breath?

i read in a magazine once, that for every person in your life, you should ask yourself a very simple question:

after i spend time with this person, do i feel better or worse?

i love that question. that is, when i remember to ask it.

because after all, friendships are choices. just like food. i get to choose what i eat, so why wouldn't i put only good, good-for-me things

(green beans in evoo, creamy oatmeal from my stove, spendy orange juice, organic dark chocolate, long-steeped black tea with whole milk, whole wheat waffles with blueberries...and on and on and on...)

into my bod?

and i believe the same should go for friends, whether you see them once a day or once a year.

am i right or overthinking or both?

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