If you move to California

You need to sign a document promising you will love and inhale all the avocados put in your face upon arrival. Luckily, I already adored me some green goop, but you're in a troubling spot if you don't. This state has an obsession I've never seen matched by any other state with any other fruit.

They're everywhere, they are on everything, they might grow legs one day and take over. You can get all fancy with them, smushing them up and making guac, or in a bowl with grapefruit and arugula. But I like mine real simp, eaten right out of the skin with lots of salt and pepper, like a tiny little bowl Mother Nature thoughtfully made me and my opposable thumbs.